I had the crappiest possible start to breastfeeding and honestly it is a miracle I am still breastfeeding my almost one year old daughter (only one feed a day now though). It honestly is the hardest thing I have ever ever done in my life (labour was a worse experience but this was harder experience!) and also the thing I am most proud of achieving! (And now I know what to answer in a job interview if they ever ask that question!).
I scribbled some of the barriers to breastfeeding on a breastfeeding support thread before when DD was 3 weeks old- but then MORE came up (lucky me! ).
So I just wanted to share the list again plus the additions to record how far I came now my daughter is almost 1 and maybe to give hope to other mums who are struggling:
1) Breast reduction 9 years ago (large reduction 7lbs taken out- one nipple doesnt function so well)- not even sure if I can breastfeed until I tried. HCP's all know this and assume am going to fail at breastfeeding so negative from outset.
2) Flat nipples so baby can't latch on without the discovery of fabulous nipple shields (genetic issue but not helped by reduction), then had to wean her off them gradually so incase they affected supply. By 6 weeks she was feeding without them.
3) Extremely traumatic hideous horrible delivery and baby in NICU for first 5 days- no cuddles for first 24 hours of baby's life, limited skin to skin- tricky with all tubes etc. Baby was oxygen starved (possible brain damage) and initially showed poor suck reflex but that improved within a day or so.
4) Baby being tube fed my EBM every hour means baby full and has no interest in latching- keeps falling asleep at the boob- i have to maintain these nasogastric top ups but once they are reduced to three hourly I can sometimes also get her latched for a feed. Except I also still have to pump and invariably she gets hungry just after I have expressed and there is no more milk! Breastfeeding support at hospital limited (lactation consultant promised everyday and never materialised) had help from speech and language therapist with latch though which was fantastic.
5) Baby has to have MRI, she is sedated with suppositories she keeps pooing out (effectively enemas)- she ends up going without a feed for 6 hours (at 8days old and already lost 10% of weight) due to the sedation, I pump in meantime but this mucks up the baby hungry, mums boobs full thing again plus difficult to get her feeding due to sedation. Loses yet more weight due to the "enemas".
6) By day 7 breastfeeding was still a massive struggle as we had to always give her nasogastric tube 32ml top up every three hours and it was always at a time which caused her to fall asleep and not be awake for a feed. We hated that nasal tube and so did she - used to pull on it during breast feeds and would look uncomfy during top ups. So in the end we had to say no more tube feeds and do her top ups with a syringe in mouth (easyish) or cup (good skill to learn but spilt everywhere and resulted in very windy baby). This was kind of against medical advice as they wanted to keep tube feeds going but we persevered and as a result breastfeeding was able to be established must better basically because we stopped trying to work to nasal tube feed times and did on demand breastfeeds plus top ups instead. The doctors were all freaking out and saying she is a big baby and you won't sustain her etc but it's what we had to do. With hindsight I think if more breastfeeding support had been available at hospital we would have figured out how to sync up the tube and breastfeeds but we aren't medical people so were just following instructions until they really stopped working for us but is scary to go against medical advice!
7) First week after leaving hospital (12days old) Baby loses 14% of bodyweight in total (not helped my mri enemas etc). Sent to hospital for dehydration check- supoosed to take an hour- takes 7 (and results come back fine). I don’t have enough to eat or drink and feeding is tricky in hospital as doesn't have pillow etc, and its not home. Anyhow of her 14%weight loss the majority of that was in hospital and after her enema. She did still lose a tiny bit more once we went against medical advice with not tube feeding her, but it wasn't massive and her weight is now fine so it was the right but scary decision for us. Really had to battle with hospital not to readmit us (I would have lost my mind- being completely loopy from the 8days in hospital the week before)
8) Baby put on intense regime of feeds- Every 3 hours -feed at breast, give 40ml top up, then pump next feeds top up then sterilise everything for next feed. We don't stop with the top ups really for about 10weeks.
9) Baby is really slow to gain weight (6weeks to regain birthweight). Have to give a formula top up sometimes as don't have enough EBM.
10) For first week of her life she had a canula in her arm for her antibiotics. This made feeding on the right breast very difficult as this sore arm would get in way and hurt her if positioned wrong and she didn't seem to feed as well in the rugby ball hold. creates supply issues in right breast.
11) Feeds would take HOURS, I would feed for an hour and she would still want more 20minutes later. It was relentless- finally her posterior tongue tie was discovered and snipped at 7 weeks. Had bad cracked nipples that made me want to throw DD across the room with the pain and unfortunately post tongue tie snip meant dd had to relearn her latch and completely knacker my nipples again. Then also got infection in nip so it wouldn't heal. I had painful feeding from 10days to 16 weeks as a result varying from agony and tears to grit teeth and curl toes. If it was agony all the time I would have definitely given up- as it was I just wore my teeth down from all the gritting!
For me breastfeeding wasn't easy or painfree until DD was 16weeks old (when she suddenly grasped it and feeds took minutes instead of hours!) and although it took weeks to wean dd off the formula top ups she was predominantly bfed (bottle formula at bedtime as supply never got up to full capacity) until we started weaning at 5months so am a little bit proud of how far we have come (and almost never want to completely wean her from breastfeeding because having finally got her going on the boob I don't want her to ever stop!- Although for me I probably draw the line at still breastfeeding a 12 year old!).
I would never wish on anyone what I went through but unfortunately I have read many similar stories so I hope my story helps someone have hope if they are at the same point of "one more feed then I am giving up" like I was.
Showing posts with label Share Your Story. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Share Your Story. Show all posts
Share your experience - Lorna's Story
I had always assumed would breastfeed if I had a baby. My mum had my brother, sister and me in the late 70s/early 80s, and was about the only person she knew who breastfed, but she was adamant that it was the right thing to do - even when midwives in the hospital tried to dissuade her, and actually fed my sister formula while my mum was asleep (she was livid when she found out!). Throughout my childhood, whenever we were out and there was someone breastfeeding, my parents would always say supportive things about it, so I had nothing but positive influences.
While I was pregnant, I read some books to familiarise myself with aspects of raising a baby including breastfeeding, but to be honest, I just assumed I would pop the baby on and it would work - I realise now from many friends' experiences that I was quite naive to assume it was always so easy. As it happens, I was one of the lucky ones, and although I had a difficult birth (long, induced labour, forceps delivery, losing a litre of blood and needing a blood transfusion), and my baby daughter didn't get to breastfeed until two hours after the birth as I was unwell, she latched on straight away when she was put to the breast, and from that point on, I had no troubles at all. I never had any pain, or any mastitis, or any of the problems I hear about, for which I'm hugely grateful! The only "problem" was a big oversupply, which meant I leaked profusely from the other breast, and also between feeds. Rachel was on the big side of normal when born (8 lbs 12), and fed what felt like the whole time, day and night, for the first few months, but I knew this was normal, so I didn't see it as a problem.
At around four months, I did notice my breasts didn't feel so full, and when I mentioned it to my GP, she said my milk was probably drying up! Fortunately, thanks to sites like yours, I knew this was nonsense, and just carried on as usual. I exclusively breastfed for 6 months, then did baby led weaning, until my daughter was 13 months. At that time, I'd been feeling extremely unwell for a few months - so nauseous that I couldn't eat - so I weaned my daughter then. I eventually found out, after much pestering GPs, that it was Coeliac disease, and once I started to feel a bit better, I did think about re-lactating, but I never did. I do regret that now, as I know she's missing out on so much, as am I.
That's my story, anyway. I had a great and very easy experience with breastfeeding, and while I know I'm lucky to have had no problems, I hope it shows that it can just be very easy and unproblematic!
Lorna.
While I was pregnant, I read some books to familiarise myself with aspects of raising a baby including breastfeeding, but to be honest, I just assumed I would pop the baby on and it would work - I realise now from many friends' experiences that I was quite naive to assume it was always so easy. As it happens, I was one of the lucky ones, and although I had a difficult birth (long, induced labour, forceps delivery, losing a litre of blood and needing a blood transfusion), and my baby daughter didn't get to breastfeed until two hours after the birth as I was unwell, she latched on straight away when she was put to the breast, and from that point on, I had no troubles at all. I never had any pain, or any mastitis, or any of the problems I hear about, for which I'm hugely grateful! The only "problem" was a big oversupply, which meant I leaked profusely from the other breast, and also between feeds. Rachel was on the big side of normal when born (8 lbs 12), and fed what felt like the whole time, day and night, for the first few months, but I knew this was normal, so I didn't see it as a problem.
At around four months, I did notice my breasts didn't feel so full, and when I mentioned it to my GP, she said my milk was probably drying up! Fortunately, thanks to sites like yours, I knew this was nonsense, and just carried on as usual. I exclusively breastfed for 6 months, then did baby led weaning, until my daughter was 13 months. At that time, I'd been feeling extremely unwell for a few months - so nauseous that I couldn't eat - so I weaned my daughter then. I eventually found out, after much pestering GPs, that it was Coeliac disease, and once I started to feel a bit better, I did think about re-lactating, but I never did. I do regret that now, as I know she's missing out on so much, as am I.
That's my story, anyway. I had a great and very easy experience with breastfeeding, and while I know I'm lucky to have had no problems, I hope it shows that it can just be very easy and unproblematic!
Lorna.
Share your experence - Rhiann's Story (twins!)
I was lucky enough to have a lovely home water birth with my son – encouraged by my friend and midwife Anne. I remember holding our son in my arms having prepared so well for the birth thinking – well how on earth do I start breastfeeding?!? I guess all my reading efforts had concentrated on getting through the birth – but somehow I didn’t remember the bit in antenatal classes about breastfeeding. The lovely student midwife latched Jasper on for me and I somehow fumbled my way through the next 24hrs at home! Fortunately for me my younger sister then came to stay she was currently training to be a midwife and spent the next few days showing me what to do!
The days turned into weeks and I remember my lovely midwife Anne scalding me for suggesting I use the formula cartons in the cupboard (which I stocked up on pre-birth on advice of well meaning friends!) – ‘but it feels like there’s no milk there!!’ I remember saying to her – Anne simply replied ‘don’t worry Jasper is just cluster feeding trust me your milk supply will catch up!’
Later on Anne helped diagnose ductal thrush which was so painful - I spent months battling with it mainly getting through feeds by taking painkillers. Fortunately at around the 6 month mark I finally experience the joy of pain free feeding! I continued to feed Jasper to 12months then stopped mainly due to me returning to work – I am a development chemist and as my job entailed handling chemicals I really didn’t want to risk them being transferred to my milk!
I was so lucky to have the support of my midwife Anne, my sister and the local Breast feeding support group and friends and peer supporters I met through our local NCT groups. Looking back as a first time mother I realise that I could quite easily have had a different outcome with regards breastfeeding my son without such good support.
My story continues - this time last year I was pregnant again – great I thought I’ll breastfeed this baby again too – I was really looking forward to the bonding and pleasure of getting to know my new baby. However in January 2010 I went for my 12week scan...........
I was carrying twins!!!! – but why on earth should that change my decision to breastfeed?!? I set about getting some well informed advice from breastfeeding peer supporters and reading a LLL publication called ‘mothering multiples’ I was more determined than ever that I was going to succeed in breastfeeding twins – I so wanted to give my babies the same as I had given Jasper.
As my due date approached I began to get very nervous about the possibility of the babies being born premature and problems that could arise from them not being able to feed. At 37wks I began expressing and freezing some small amount of colostrum – there was no way these babies were going to be given formula if I was not able to feed.
On 1st August 2010 (my birthday) my waters broke aided my my toddler jumping on me. My beautiful twins were born on 2nd August at 38+4wks. Anabelle born at 1.28am and Xavier at 1.44am.
But that was just the beginning of my breastfeeding journey with my twins. Only a few hours after birth Anabelle was really starting to hurt me when she fed – I knew something wasn’t quite right -the hospital infant feeding coordinators discovered she was tounge-tied. And later when Xavier couldn’t latch I also discovered he was also tounge-tied (I was so glad I had some expressed colostrums to give to him.)
I battled through the next few days at home with the twins - again relying on the fantastic support of my midwife Anne and close friends – both the twins were making me so sore due to their tounge-tie I had horrible blisters on both nipples. I even resorted to expressing the odd feed for them just to give myself a break. Fortunately my pregnancy research and reading helped me through difficulties arising from post delivery swelling too which made latching near impossible. At 10 days old both Anabelle and Xavier had their tounge tie snipped. Feeding became much easier after that – and I finally mastered tandem feeding!
My twins are now will be 5 months old on 2nd January and I am loving our breastfeeding relationship – but it has not been without other difficulties including thush, mastitis, severe plugged ducts and pores – all going hand in hand with my body incredibly adapting to produce just the right amount of milk for my babies. Breastfeeding gives me that special time with each of them individually which I really cherish. Not to mention the really unique way that they interact – be it by holding hands or fighting whilst they tandem feed. I honestly think that if it wasn’t for me Breastfeeding I would never get out of the house!
One of my biggest supporters for breastfeeding has actually my Dad. He always makes makes me smile with his analogies – quite frequently comparing me to a lactating sow (His outdoor pig farming days never forgotten!). But he really does appreciate the physical demands that come with breastfeeding especially in the next month or too before they wean – Remembering how tired my mother used to be when she fed my siblings and me.
I am sure that my breastfeeding journey with Anabelle and Xavier will throw yet more challenges as they grow but I relish every moment! And I take great delight in correcting many assuming health professionals who are all too quick to assume that my twins are either formula fed/ combination fed.
Having faced the challenges with shear determination I realise that there is not always good support available to breastfeeding mothers – I have seen too many friends reluctantly giving up breastfeeding due to lack of support or as a result of not particularly helpful information. My experience has made me determined to help other mums who are struggling and I am due to train as a peer supporter in the new year.
I often wonder what the outcome would have been had I given that formula sitting in my kitchen cupboard..............................
Rhiann
Share you experience - Jo B's story
I have breastfed 4 children, and with each I never thought that I would have problems and I never thought there was another way… to give a newborn a bottle of formula just seemed alien to me. There is nothing as amazing as the feeling you get when feeding your newborn and also the satisfaction of knowing that you are the only source of nourishment for your ever growing, gorgeous baby.
I have dealt with a few of the major ‘problems’ – slow newborn feeder, mastitis, cracked nipples (that the baby was sick blood!), pain from poor latch, thrush, blocked ducts, boobs that could have given Jordan a run for her money, and milk that could have squirted the other side of the room, (and did if the baby suddenly stopped feeding and turned the other way!) but there was never the option to ‘quit’ and offer formula, I don’t think anyone suggested it, or if they did I didn’t hear. Each time I had a problem I ‘knew’ how to deal with it from past research, and if I wasn’t sure I sought advice from a breastfeeding advisor.
But ...some 14 years ago with my eldest son I was advised to feed solids from 3 months (!) and by the time 6 months came around I didn’t see any other babies being breastfed at the playgroups etc I went to, most other Mums had stopped and the only comments I heard were “I need my body back”, “my husband can share the night shift”, “well I’ve done X months – that’s quite enough”, or things like “it’s wrong to feed a toddler, so I’m going to stop now”. I even saw the GP about feeling tired and she told me to “stop breastfeeding as that would be the cause of it and I had done enough for my baby’s health, now it was time to think of mine.
I had never met anyone who breastfed a toddler, nor tandem fed…that was only for strange hippy types, and apart from library books I had no access to information to prove to me any different. So at around 9 months I tried to introduce formula… he hated it… a few more bits of advice from the health visitor and I thought I needed to stop for my health and his and was advised to go cold turkey. So against my better instincts, when he was 10 months, I let my mum look after my crying baby for the 3 nights or so it took to stop him screaming (and to stop my boobs feeling like they were going to explode) I clearly remember listening to him crying, and me just sobbing as I wanted to feed him, but I thought I was doing the right thing for us both by not.
My second child was similar…. All praise for the first 6 months or so for exclusively breastfeeding, and then we hit 12 months and it was the constant stream of when are you going to stop? I ended up stopping breastfeeding him at 13 months, just purely as it was drummed into my head that it was the right thing to do.
My daughter I fed until 18 months, mainly as I had then started to read up on allergies (my 2nd had awful eczema -triggered by dairy) and didn’t feed her dairy at all until over 12 months. But again from that point onwards I was ‘encouraged’ to stop from all sides and to try and wean her (which I admit she did on the ‘don’t offer, don’t refuse’ method)
But with all three I had a deep desire to still feed them, to give them that last breastfeed and even though I wanted to stop (from the belief I had that it would be for the best) I still ‘sneaked in’ a private one last feed and cried while feeding them, knowing that was it.
I then had my 4th child after a 6 year gap. In that time we had got the internet and I found forums of mums who were still breastfeeding a toddler and pregnant, others feeding 5 year olds! And the more I read the more normal they and their views seemed…and then I read that there are still health benefits to feeding toddlers (even the WHO recommends feeding until 2yrs) and their kids haven’t grown up ‘strange’ as they remember feeding from mum…in fact the opposite seemed true. I also found out so much that the mainstream feeding advice does not tell you, how it makes formula an acceptable second so as not to upset mums who cannot breastfeed (or in most cases were not given the help, support and advice they wanted to breastfeed) or those that didn’t want to (or is this just as they think formula is as good, or have preconceived ideas about boobs and breastfeeding?)
It also made me pretty angry that I was given this so very wrong ‘advice’ and opinions with my eldest 3, my instincts (that I ignored) were right for me and my child. Although I actually feel ‘lucky’ that I didn’t get some of the even more appalling advice I have heard others have been given and have stopped breastfeeding their baby at an even younger age as they have been so wrongly told that they shouldn’t struggle, and a happy mum means a happy baby etc.
It was probably a good job that I read this new information while pregnant as my son was a boobaholic, he loved his ‘boo’ and at 4 years old now is still feeding at bedtime, & I can’t see him giving up in the near future either. I have had all the same ‘teasing’ from other about his feeding and when will he stop, even the GP said I should stop (again), but now I just don’t care about others opinions. They are opinions, not fact. He’s happy, I’m happy I’m giving him the best nutrition available and that’s all that matters
I have dealt with a few of the major ‘problems’ – slow newborn feeder, mastitis, cracked nipples (that the baby was sick blood!), pain from poor latch, thrush, blocked ducts, boobs that could have given Jordan a run for her money, and milk that could have squirted the other side of the room, (and did if the baby suddenly stopped feeding and turned the other way!) but there was never the option to ‘quit’ and offer formula, I don’t think anyone suggested it, or if they did I didn’t hear. Each time I had a problem I ‘knew’ how to deal with it from past research, and if I wasn’t sure I sought advice from a breastfeeding advisor.
But ...some 14 years ago with my eldest son I was advised to feed solids from 3 months (!) and by the time 6 months came around I didn’t see any other babies being breastfed at the playgroups etc I went to, most other Mums had stopped and the only comments I heard were “I need my body back”, “my husband can share the night shift”, “well I’ve done X months – that’s quite enough”, or things like “it’s wrong to feed a toddler, so I’m going to stop now”. I even saw the GP about feeling tired and she told me to “stop breastfeeding as that would be the cause of it and I had done enough for my baby’s health, now it was time to think of mine.
I had never met anyone who breastfed a toddler, nor tandem fed…that was only for strange hippy types, and apart from library books I had no access to information to prove to me any different. So at around 9 months I tried to introduce formula… he hated it… a few more bits of advice from the health visitor and I thought I needed to stop for my health and his and was advised to go cold turkey. So against my better instincts, when he was 10 months, I let my mum look after my crying baby for the 3 nights or so it took to stop him screaming (and to stop my boobs feeling like they were going to explode) I clearly remember listening to him crying, and me just sobbing as I wanted to feed him, but I thought I was doing the right thing for us both by not.
My second child was similar…. All praise for the first 6 months or so for exclusively breastfeeding, and then we hit 12 months and it was the constant stream of when are you going to stop? I ended up stopping breastfeeding him at 13 months, just purely as it was drummed into my head that it was the right thing to do.
My daughter I fed until 18 months, mainly as I had then started to read up on allergies (my 2nd had awful eczema -triggered by dairy) and didn’t feed her dairy at all until over 12 months. But again from that point onwards I was ‘encouraged’ to stop from all sides and to try and wean her (which I admit she did on the ‘don’t offer, don’t refuse’ method)
But with all three I had a deep desire to still feed them, to give them that last breastfeed and even though I wanted to stop (from the belief I had that it would be for the best) I still ‘sneaked in’ a private one last feed and cried while feeding them, knowing that was it.
I then had my 4th child after a 6 year gap. In that time we had got the internet and I found forums of mums who were still breastfeeding a toddler and pregnant, others feeding 5 year olds! And the more I read the more normal they and their views seemed…and then I read that there are still health benefits to feeding toddlers (even the WHO recommends feeding until 2yrs) and their kids haven’t grown up ‘strange’ as they remember feeding from mum…in fact the opposite seemed true. I also found out so much that the mainstream feeding advice does not tell you, how it makes formula an acceptable second so as not to upset mums who cannot breastfeed (or in most cases were not given the help, support and advice they wanted to breastfeed) or those that didn’t want to (or is this just as they think formula is as good, or have preconceived ideas about boobs and breastfeeding?)
It also made me pretty angry that I was given this so very wrong ‘advice’ and opinions with my eldest 3, my instincts (that I ignored) were right for me and my child. Although I actually feel ‘lucky’ that I didn’t get some of the even more appalling advice I have heard others have been given and have stopped breastfeeding their baby at an even younger age as they have been so wrongly told that they shouldn’t struggle, and a happy mum means a happy baby etc.
It was probably a good job that I read this new information while pregnant as my son was a boobaholic, he loved his ‘boo’ and at 4 years old now is still feeding at bedtime, & I can’t see him giving up in the near future either. I have had all the same ‘teasing’ from other about his feeding and when will he stop, even the GP said I should stop (again), but now I just don’t care about others opinions. They are opinions, not fact. He’s happy, I’m happy I’m giving him the best nutrition available and that’s all that matters
Share your experience - Nadya's story
A few friends of mine (different nationalities/upbringing) could not breastfeed and when I got pregnant with my daughter, who is now 4 months old, I started worrying that that may happen to me too. I was so lucky to have my independent midwife with me, as my home birth had ended up in hospital and I felt under pressure as baby wouldn't start feeding straight away. my midwife was there the whole time and helped me with it - I know now that I am so lucky about that as hospital staff seem ever so eager to start off babies on formula as they "reject the breast" and to do "topping up".
I had read some information about breastfeeding and latching on but when we got home that night from the hospital I was not at all prepared for what followed. My mum had told me - "feed her 15min on each side to begin with so you both get used to it" - but that was not what Anastasia had in mind. She would feed for over an hour at each side! and would want to eat again in 2 hours! In addition I developed such sore nipples that virtually lost a whole chunk of my right one! But it wasn't the pain that worried me, she didn't seem to gain as well as I wanted her to, and in her second week she did not gain a gram! The third week she gained 20 grams and that after so much effort from both of us was just devastating. I knew something was wrong as my nipples would not heal and I could not believe that my milk was the problem.
I don't know what I would have done without my midwife at this time! She was the one to notice that Anastasia actually had a toungue tie which was causing all that trouble by not allowing her to latch on properly. We had it examined by a lactation specialist who confirmed and sniped it, so my daughter started gaining. She's on one of the lower curves, still trying to catch up and not gaining as much as she is "supposed to" but I don't care, she is gaining enough (about 150g/week) and I will never buy formula! My sister in law also has a baby, she is combine feeding and he has always gained as much as Anastasia. There was a lot of pressure on her to start topping him up from the very beginning but now, because of his supposed "slow gain" they have started to force feed him formula, and at 3 months old he is down to one breast meal a day! It makes me feel so proud we persevered!
Nadya
Share your experience - Emma C's Story
My breastfeeding story started when I was a little girl!!! Why? I hear you say, well, I crazed my parents for a baby-doll when I was little and lucky little-me got one for Christmas. I don't think I was older than 5 years old. My mum then said to me that she thought my baby was hungry....so......instead of reaching for the plastic bottle (which came with the dolly) I lifted up my top and clamped the dolly's face to my chest! Now how did I know to do that? I was bottle-fed, as were my brothers and a lot of my friends. I guess my instinct told me that's what I needed to do. From that moment on, I knew if I were ever to have my own baby, I would breastfeed it. It just seemed like the normal thing to do!
Wind on many years......I find myself married.....after that, 2 years of trying for a baby......finding myself pregnant 7 days before starting fertility treatment! Hurrah! Lucky me again!
Having a close-knit social circle of friends who've ALL breastfed their babies for at least 2 years each (one friend feeding both of hers for 4 years each) and my brothers whose wives all breastfed their children (my nieces and nephews) too strengthened my feelings that breastfeeding a baby is indeed the normal thing to do.
After a 2.5 day labour and emergency section my beautiful baby girl arrived safe and sound, weighing a respectable 7lbs 10ozs! All the way through my pregnancy I was convinced I was having a boy, imagine my surprise when a girl was presented to me!! I wasn't even ready with a name. Though apparently my Husband was.....he named her on the spot! I agreed through my groggy drugged-up haze!
I wasn't able to have her straight after being born as my surgeon was trying to stop me bleeding heavily and everyone was ushered out of the room. Once in recovery some time later she was wrapped and cosied up under my arm and we were wheeled down to the ward. Sadly I wasn't encouraged to offer skin-to-skin, I wasn't encouraged to feed her at all. I'd not slept for 3 days and I'd just lost a lot of blood so I was feeling totally wiped and feeding her wasn't even on my mind! Anyway, I rested for a while then said to Husband that I'd like to have a go at feeding her. He passed her to me and I tried to get her attached. She was so full of drugs that she wasn't interested. I had NO idea what I was doing and there was nobody around to help. I managed to get her to take some after much jiggling and we continued to do this for the next 3 days.
By day 3, I was so sore I couldn't bear it. I asked for help but the midwives gave me lots of excuses why my nipples were sore....."you're nipples are too pink..."......"you're baby's mouth is too small..."......."you're nipples are too small....."...."it's supposed to hurt for the 1st week or so...." and all they did was watch me cry.
I got discharged on day 4 with a poorly fed, sleepy and yellow-ish baby. I believe anyone reading this will have an idea about where this story is going......
Now, I think I may be of a minority here but I seem to have the best mother-in-law a person could want. Both her babies were traumatic emergency sections and she breastfed both of them for a year each. She sat in bed with me for 4 hours once we got home and encouraged me to keep going with the breastfeeding. My own mum suggested bottle-feeding. I recoiled in horror with tears streaming down my face.
After a few more days, the skin on my nipples started to disappear in favour of lots of blood. My health visitor came over and really tried to help me but to no avail.....my baby started crying and she picked her up as I still couldn't walk properly after my surgery. At a glance she noticed my baby had a very short tongue, calling it a "tongue-tie", I had no idea what that was, she said it doesn't usually cause any problems, thus leaving me feeling as if this pain and misery was ALL my fault. Of course, I know now that NONE of what had happened to me was my fault.
I carried on like this for the next 4 weeks, my baby only now back to birth weight and not gaining much at all, nappy-output was virtually non-existent too. On Mothers' day 2008 I couldn't take any more pain and sent my poor suffering husband out to buy formula and bottles. I was devastated. I couldn't believe that I'd failed at giving birth and I'd failed at feeding my baby. I was a big, wobbly-bellied failure. I count myself very lucky though that I didn't slip into a deep depression. My health visiting team praised me for the breastfeeding I'd done but I still felt useless. My baby was bottle feeding and I hated it. It wasn't normal and I was very scared that she'd end up poorly from it. My friends were kind to me but couldn't help as they'd all had smooth breastfeeding experiences and none of them had any idea why I have having such a hard time. I felt like a freak.
That was it, bottle feeding from now on...........or so I thought! Six weeks later I took my gorgeous little baby to be weighed at my local clinic and she was doing great! I was pleased. On my way out I bumped into my HV who asked how I felt about bottle feeding now. I burst into tears and said "I hate it!". She mentioned to me that it may be possible for me to stimulate my milk production again, although it may be a long shot. I was surprised as I didn't know anyone could do that. She asked me to think about it, but I didn't need to think about it at all! A CHANCE! A SMALL CHANCE TO FEED MY BABY AGAIN! I did consider very briefly if I'd be able to suffer pain and disappointment again, though I figured I may regret it if I never gave it one last shot.......
So, I dragged my Husband to our local breastfeeding support group at the local clinic and explained to the peer supporters my situation and they were more than willing to help me try and get my milk back. I was elated! I couldn't believe these lovely ladies wanted to help me! They all sat with me and explained about positioning. I mentioned that my HV said my baby had a tongue-tie and they said we'd cross that bridge if we came to it and that we could just start with the basics 1st. My heart was racing with nerves and excitement! Anyway, they suggested I see what my little one did if I offered her the breast. So I did, following the instruction on careful positioning. SHE POPPED HERSELF ON MY BREAST AND STAYED THERE FOR AGES!!! She took it like she'd never left it! My milk production was zero at that point so we talked through methods of increasing the stimulation my breasts get and therefore it may have an impact on milk production. I was desperate to get going! I went home armed with info and a new found confidence!
Once home, whilst I set my husband to work in the kitchen making up her next formula feed, I popped her on both breasts. She took them both. No pain, no soreness and no blood. I couldn't believe it. I read through the info whilst she was at the breast and decided I would stimulate and hand express, use my electric pump and have a go with a supplemantal nursing system whenever I could, day and night.
It worked. After 5 days of putting her to the breast, using the SNS and stimulating my breasts (goodness only knows what people walking past our house and looking in thought!), I expressed and a few drops of milk came out! HURRAH! I called my friends and family and wanted to jump on the roof and scream with delight! From that moment on my ickle baby decided she wanted more and more booby and a lot more frequently and my appetite soared. My awful, painful periods stopped too! Over the coming weeks she gradually reduced the amount of formula she consumed until we were making up just one tiny ounce! Pointless! We threw out the formula with glee! Fortunately, her tongue wasn't causing any issues, probably because her mouth was bigger and she was able to take in enough breast tissue to prevent damage.
My HV team (yes, all of them!) and the peer supporters all kept an eye on my welfare and my baby's, and constantly kept up with how I was feeling, really boosting my confidence and reassuring me that all was going great, keeping me thinking of what was in her nappy rather than how much she was consuming.
When my ickle-pickle was 7 months old, breastfeeding on-demand and enjoying some food, I was asked to train as a peer supporter myself. I jumped at the chance. My training started and I couldn't believe there was so much to know. My peer supporters knew a lot but I had no idea they knew THAT much! I completed my training and started helping out at the group I was attending and over the next few months the original peer supporters dwindled leaving me and one other mum (who's now a good friend) from my course to run it ourselves. That was over 2 years ago and in that time my own little one finished breastfeeding at 15 months. "No booby Mummy" was my response after every offer of some milk. I'd successfully breast-fed my baby (eventually!) until she didn't want it anymore. I was so proud of myself.
I'm now doing the next level of training so I'll be able to work on the Breastfeeding helplines and I'll also be able to raise the amount of support I can offer including hospital visits and ante-natal groups. Our drop-in groups have gone from strength to strength, getting busier and busier and we're able to reach, help and support a lot more mums. I feel very lucky to be where I am now, a gorgeous, healthy, hardly ever ill 3 yr old girl and lots of lovely like-minded mums surrounding me.
Thank you Armadillo for giving me a chance to let people know that relactation is certainly possible and not out of reach and as we all know- essential in disaster areas and poverty-stricken countries where infant mortality can be drastically reduced.
I owe it all to my peer supporters, my fairy god-mother HV and that bloomin' baby-doll I crazed for when I was a small child!!! I wonder what happened to it........
Emma Cracknell. Proud Mummy of Holly-Willow (named by Daddy!).
Share your experience - Olga's story
My daughter is over two years old now and this is my breastfeeding story. I will also give you some background on her birth as I think that’s where all the problems began. Or maybe it all went wrong earlier – as during my pregnancy I did not read anything about breastfeeding. I attended some antenatal classes with my husband, but midwife was talking only about ‘benefits of breastfeeding’ and why it’s the best way to feed your baby. That I already knew – for me it was the ONLY way to feed my baby. I expected the whole experience to be blissful and natural – isn’t it what my breasts were for at the end of the day? Overall I didn’t give breastfeeding much thought, I concentrated my research on homebirth, reading lovely homebirth stories.
My pregnancy was uneventful, though from the beginning I felt unsupported in my desire to birth Freya at home. A few days before my due date, traces of protein (+1) were detected in my urine, so I was advised to go in for monitoring. All was fine and my baby was happy. During the monitoring my blood pressure was taken and it read 150/75. I didn’t think that was cause of concern as it’s classed as borderline, but the doctors weren’t happy. I was advised to come back the next day. The following day I came back to the hospital, baby was fine during monitoring, again there was +1 protein in my urine and blood pressure was 150/75. This time at the end of my appointment a consultant and two additional midwives arrived and started explaining that I had to be admitted later that day to be induced or I would be putting my baby at risk. I attended this appointment on my own and found it difficult to defend my position. I knew I did not have pre-ecclampsia and my baby was fine, but they made me feel like a bad mother for wanting to deliver Freya at home, naturally. I agreed to come back later that day for induction and went home in tears.
My induction started at 8pm with a prostaglandin pessary. I started having mild contractions but they weren’t really doing anything so I had another pessary at midnight and another one at 8am. I did not sleep at all that night. By 10am the next day I was still only 2cm dilated, so doctors decided to put me on oxitocin drip and break my waters to speed up the process. The exact cascade of intervention that I was reading about and dreading was happening to me. And as much as I was coping with the pessary induced contractions on my own, things became quite different after being put on oxitocin drip. I was begging for an epidural, though I originally wanted to avoid pain relief drugs at any cost. It took two hours to get the anaesthesiologist ready during which I became very dependent on gas and air. I wanted to go in a birth pool, but wasn’t ‘allowed’, was lying on my back, strapped to foetal monitoring system. Everything I wanted to avoid was happening. After epidural finally kicked in, I couldn’t feel a thing but mentally felt miles better. Every time epidural was wearing out, I was offered another top up. I had five top ups throughout the day. I was dilating slowly and finally reached 10 cm by 11pm. At this time midwife that was looking after me had to go home and new midwife arrived. She introduced herself promptly and then left me alone with my husband for an hour (at 10cm dilation). I knew I was ready to push but there was no midwife to help me, so I waited patiently. When the midwife came back, I finally was ‘allowed’ to push and Freya arrived at 12.25am, after 30 hours of labour.
As soon as she came out, we had some skin-to-skin contact, but Freya was very sleepy. Midwife asked me if I wanted to breastfeed, and I said yes. Next thing I remember was midwife grabbing my breast and pushing Freya’s little head onto it with almighty force. Both me and my husband froze, as she was really forceful, and Freya just started crying. I remember thinking that poor little mite was going to suffocate. Later we had some more cuddles, Freya wasn’t interested in suckling at all. I had a bath while midwife left for another half hour and then I was immediately moved to postnatal ward and my husband had to go home. By that time Freya was fast asleep and we were left alone till morning. Nobody came to see me till 9am (8 hours after birth), I wasn’t offered a drink or food. Freya slept pretty much all this time and I couldn’t get her to latch on at all. During my stay in the hospital I expressed my concern that baby wasn’t latching on, so I was offered a bottle of formula, which I refused. Paediatrician that came to check the baby didn’t seem concerned, just told me to ‘keep trying’. During that day at the hospital I was left alone for most of the time, no one came to help me with positioning and latch, but midwives were doing their formula rounds every couple of hours, which I refused to accept every time. At 2pm I was so fed up that I decided to discharge myself ‘against medical advice’.
At home same situation continued – Freya was asleep and no matter what we did, she just wouldn’t latch on. Every time I was putting her to the breast, she was becoming more and more stressed and upset. I started expressing bit of colostrums with some cheap electric pump I had and gave Freya her first feed 30 hours after she was born. I was only getting out 10ml at the time, so decided to give Freya some formula (in a bottle). Midwife that came to visit during that time wasn’t helpful at all and told me that I had flat nipples and that’s why Freya wasn’t latching on. That really knocked my confidence, but I still kept trying to latch my little girl on. After three days she started screaming as soon as the breast was out and was fighting me off. I still tried expressing, but unfortunately the motor on my pump died. I sent my husband to Boots, and he got me a manual MAM pump. Pumping with manual pump wasn’t easy and my milk didn’t come in till five days after Freya’s birth. By that time she was fed mainly formula, mixed with whatever I could express (which was about 150ml per day).
My confidence was very low, and I had no help from healthcare professionals. Midwives doing home visits weren’t interested; all they cared about was how much Freya weighed. And as she only lost 2oz of her birth weight – so we were promptly discharged from midwife care. On the last midwife visit I was given a telephone number for hospital lactation consultant. I called her a few times every day, for about four weeks – she was never at her desk and I left multiple messages with different people – she never rang me back. At home the same situation continued – both I and Freya were becoming more and more unhappy. She wouldn’t latch on, I felt rejected and like a failure. I was producing less and less milk every day. The midwife told me that pumping wasn’t possible long term and I believed her. I was becoming very depressed as it wasn’t the way I wanted to feed my baby.
When Freya was four weeks old – I came across term ‘Exclusive Pumping’ (EPing) on internet. I found an internet forrum and, to my own amazement – not only was it possible, but many mums in USA have done it with great success. I found a book ‘Exclusively Pumping Breast Milk: A Guide to Providing Expressed Breast Milk for Your Baby’ by Stephanie Casemore and decided to try it. I bought a new pump – Ameda Lactaline and started pumping every two hours, day and night. I started writing down the amounts that I expressed and after three weeks of following this strict regime (and taking Domperidone) – I was finally making enough for my daughter and stopped supplementing with formula. I have kept a ‘pumping diary’ everyday till thirteen months post partum. At peak I was making 42oz of milk per day and Freya was having a maximum of 30oz a day. I started donating milk to Chester Milk Bank and I have donated over 1500oz during Freya’s first year.
I suffered with bleeding and cracked nipples, ductal thrush, continuous blocked ducts problem (which sorted itself out after taking Lecithin supplement) – but all that didn’t matter because my daughter was getting my milk. I began to feel less and less guilty and started enjoying being a mum more. Exclusively Pumping was the most difficult thing I have ever done – at times I felt like I was chained to the pump. Having to pump at night while my daughter started sleeping through at five weeks was especially difficult, but I wouldn’t change it for the world. I managed to continue till 14 months post partum. Stopping was my decision, as it became increasingly difficult: looking after active toddler, working and pumping. If I was a stay at home mum, I would carry on for much longer. I am very proud that I managed to feed her for so long. I still tried to latch her on till about 6 months of age – she did it twice, both times using nipple shields. Eventually I decided to give up and made my peace with the fact that I will be an EPing mum.
I still feel very sad thinking about our early days and lack of support. I did complain to NHS about it, but they blamed me for discharging myself from hospital against medical advice. I didn’t pursue it further. I wish I had known more about breastfeeding or had some support network available. I wish someone would have told me earlier that EPing is possible and maybe if hospital staff had lent me a breast pump in the early days. I do feel grateful for the internet and all the information available, without it my daughter would probably have been formula fed from about six weeks. It is such a shame that women and babies are let down by midwives, doctors and health visitors throughout the county every day, and that they believe their so-called ‘professional advice’ – which is often damaging for breastfeeding. My experience made me question everything I hear from health care professionals. I have to check everything out for myself now. And in that way – the whole experience has made me stronger and a better person.
I am currently pregnant with my second baby, and this time I will do my best to succeed, I will not let that happen to me again.
Thanks for reading,
Share your experience - Vicky H's story
When I was pregnant I was determined I was going to breastfeed. My husband wanted to buy some bottles and formula "just in case" but that was not an option for me. I wasn't expecting it to be easy having watched my best friend screaming in pain as her 3 day old son latched on, but I did expect it to be possible and to just happen.
The reality was a little different. My son was born 11 days late by emergency c-section following 3 days of contractions coming and going and numerous failed attempts to induce me. Therefore I missed out on the immediate skin to skin contact. I didn't get to hold him until he was an hour old and even then I was numb from the neck down.
I was tired, emotional and shaky and my husband had been kicked out as Eddie was born at 1am. No-one suggested to me I try to feed him and I was physically unable to even pick him up as it took 6 hours for me to get some feeling back and stop shaking. When I finally got round to it he wouldn't latch on. I cannot begin to count the number of midwives and MCAs who grabbed my breast and tried to shove it in his mouth. Looking back I'm not surprised we weren't getting anywhere.
So I then started hand expressing either into a little cup or with a midwife standing by with a syringe to suck it up. That was possibly the strangest thing I've ever done! I found it hard to believe my baby could survive on just 2 or 3mls of colostrum here and there. I used a pump to express some more and still remember the MCA announcing to the rest of the ward how amazing it was I'd got 20mls off. So much for privacy.
We then gave Eddie the expressed milk in a bottle. I had some inkling that you shouldn't give breastfed babies a bottle because of nipple confusion but just wanted him to eat. Eventually someone suggested using nipple shields and like magic he latched on and fed! I was so relieved, although I must have fed him every half an hour that night. It was exhausting.
When I was discharged 2 days after giving birth we were still using the shields. My midwife was unconcerned about me using the shields as he was breastfeeding and that was the main thing. It felt to me like she was just glad she could tick the breastfeeding box and didn't really care how I felt. She suggested the problem was that my nipples were too small! The health visitor on the other hand kept telling me I should stop using the shields as they would diminish my supply, but offered no advice or support how to do so. She recommended a support group but I couldn't go anywhere without a lot of help and being in pain from the c-section.
It was uncomfortable feeding my son. It involved a lot of cushions and generally gave me a bad back, but I persisted. After about 4 weeks I broke down in tears (not for the first time!) in front of my mum. I kept hearing that breastfeeding was an amazing thing, a wonderful experience but I didn't feel the magic. My mum then called a friend of hers who is a breastfeeding counsellor. Unlike the midwife ("You'll be alright if I don't come for a couple of days won't you?") she was at my house as soon as she'd dropped her kids off with their grandparents.
She helped me with positioning and gave me suggestions and tips. The most important thing she did was give me the confidence to keep going. She said my son clearly did know how to feed without the shields and that it was just about persistence. She also confirmed there was nothing wrong with the size of my nipples!
The very next day Eddie fed for a whole hour without the shields. I was alternating feeds with and without the shields, except at night when I just used them to make things easier. Just two days later Eddie decided he didn't want the shields any more, screaming when I tried to use them but latching on straight away once I removed them. I threw the damn things in the bin the next day and have never used them since!
We're still going strong and Eddie is 15 months now. I'm going to let him self-wean and considering he still sometimes has about 4 feeds a day I think we're a while off that time yet! We've had some difficult times (blocked ducts, thrush, milk blisters, a 3 week period of Eddie screaming and fussing at the breast for no apparent reason) but I definitely feel the magic now :-)
Share your experience - Triss' story
My daughter breastfeed fine for nearly two weeks, though often and cluster feeds. I didn't know this was normal and had some new mum anxiety this was so often, as her birth weight was still falling at this point.
She then had an infection on her fingers and toes, which on reflection was probably from the hospital (it was extremely dirty, lots of women delivering and very few midwives) and at 2 weeks old had to have penicillin. This was almost death to the breastfeeding. She immediately had stomach upset, diarrhoea, constant screaming and a lack of interest in feeding then, unsurprisingly. Her birth weight then dipped to just under 10% and she was classed as 'failing to thrive'. The Dr was very nice, very concerned and said we had to supplement with formula immediately or she would be taken into hospital. I could see that this was necessary, her fontanelle was sunken and she was starting a grey/blue-ish tint round her mouth. Of course we were petrified, and very quickly she was on 6 bottles a day, with me feeding her first then 'topping up'. I never thought to ask the Dr for how long and how much to top up, and I doubt if he would have been able to tell me, there seems to be a lack of good knowledge of breastfeeding by medics generally, I found.
We were referred for an appointment with a paediatrician a fortnight later. By then she'd put some weight on with the formula and they though she was doing well. I said how unhappy I was with the formula and was still trying to breastfeed, but by then my daughter was gulping enthusiastically at the bottle and impatient at the breast as it wasn't as fast and my supply was reducing. The hospital said, "Wait here, we'll get our feeding specialist to come and talk to you", who arrived, brandishing charts on how much formula to give at each week! They weren't able to offer any breastfeeding advice other than, 'just put her on the breast then'! While I was sitting nearly crying through this, a passing lady Dr took pity on me, saw I'd given my daughter a bottle while waiting, and then put her on the breast as she was fussing/ crying constantly, and decided she needed infant Gaviscon, as she'd been colicky and refluxy from the start. This did help to some degree after this, though it's harder to give Gaviscon in water from a spoon, while breastfeeding than to give in a bottle of formula.
The upshot of this was, at 6 weeks old, after phoning the NCT for advice and expressing to up my supply, I gradually over the next fortnight, dropped one bottle a day, until she was entirely breastfed during the day and had 2 bottles then one, during the night. I have allergies, so really wanted to continue feeding for as long as possible. This was incredibly hard, I remember at the 6 weeks mark just sitting crying, saying 'I can't do this!' it would have been very useful to know about a growth spurt round then!
I actually managed to feed my daughter for 11 months, until she dropped It herself, a feed at a time. In the early months, she never put much weight on, usually no more than 3-4 oz a week, but was very active and a picture of health.
I should add that my Health Visitor was fantastic and was always a tower of support through everything, helping me sort out which bottle to stop when etc. I don't think I could have managed to continue feeding without her, as through all this I had continued lack of support from elsewhere in the family, who actively tried to stop me breastfeeding, but that's another story!
She then had an infection on her fingers and toes, which on reflection was probably from the hospital (it was extremely dirty, lots of women delivering and very few midwives) and at 2 weeks old had to have penicillin. This was almost death to the breastfeeding. She immediately had stomach upset, diarrhoea, constant screaming and a lack of interest in feeding then, unsurprisingly. Her birth weight then dipped to just under 10% and she was classed as 'failing to thrive'. The Dr was very nice, very concerned and said we had to supplement with formula immediately or she would be taken into hospital. I could see that this was necessary, her fontanelle was sunken and she was starting a grey/blue-ish tint round her mouth. Of course we were petrified, and very quickly she was on 6 bottles a day, with me feeding her first then 'topping up'. I never thought to ask the Dr for how long and how much to top up, and I doubt if he would have been able to tell me, there seems to be a lack of good knowledge of breastfeeding by medics generally, I found.
We were referred for an appointment with a paediatrician a fortnight later. By then she'd put some weight on with the formula and they though she was doing well. I said how unhappy I was with the formula and was still trying to breastfeed, but by then my daughter was gulping enthusiastically at the bottle and impatient at the breast as it wasn't as fast and my supply was reducing. The hospital said, "Wait here, we'll get our feeding specialist to come and talk to you", who arrived, brandishing charts on how much formula to give at each week! They weren't able to offer any breastfeeding advice other than, 'just put her on the breast then'! While I was sitting nearly crying through this, a passing lady Dr took pity on me, saw I'd given my daughter a bottle while waiting, and then put her on the breast as she was fussing/ crying constantly, and decided she needed infant Gaviscon, as she'd been colicky and refluxy from the start. This did help to some degree after this, though it's harder to give Gaviscon in water from a spoon, while breastfeeding than to give in a bottle of formula.
The upshot of this was, at 6 weeks old, after phoning the NCT for advice and expressing to up my supply, I gradually over the next fortnight, dropped one bottle a day, until she was entirely breastfed during the day and had 2 bottles then one, during the night. I have allergies, so really wanted to continue feeding for as long as possible. This was incredibly hard, I remember at the 6 weeks mark just sitting crying, saying 'I can't do this!' it would have been very useful to know about a growth spurt round then!
I actually managed to feed my daughter for 11 months, until she dropped It herself, a feed at a time. In the early months, she never put much weight on, usually no more than 3-4 oz a week, but was very active and a picture of health.
I should add that my Health Visitor was fantastic and was always a tower of support through everything, helping me sort out which bottle to stop when etc. I don't think I could have managed to continue feeding without her, as through all this I had continued lack of support from elsewhere in the family, who actively tried to stop me breastfeeding, but that's another story!
Share your experience - Verity's story
This starts with the birth of my first daughter in 2006 following an induction that lasted 4 days with her finally being born by ventouse....
Lily was very difficult to feed as a newborn as she had jaundice that required bili-bed therapy. She was born at 00.05 on a Tuesday and fed fairly well the first 18 hours, but soon stopped being able to latch and instead took to screaming only being comforted by my walking her about (which was not allowed by the ward Midwives). By 10am on the Wednesday I was convinced I had no milk and Lily was starving so begged for help but got none. I then begged for formula (no one told me babies DO NOT starve in less than 48 hours especially with a few good feeds in them first) so we could be discharged (we were not allowed to go home until Lily fed but no help was given to breastfeed).
The community midwives advised 2oz of milk every two hours as soon as it was known she had jaundice (day 2). Lily was unable to latch on to feed from either breast or bottle by then as she was too sleepy to even open her mouth. My husband had to pry her jaws open so I could 'milk' the teat of a bottle to get her to swallow.
I was, by Thursday, pumping with a Medela Symphony (hired from NCT) every 2 hours and collecting the colostrum until I had 2oz worth as we were told not to mix formula and colostrum. My milk finally came in late on Saturday (day 5) but by then Lily was firmly on bottles and I was not allowed to breastfeed her as she was not allowed out from the bili-bed except for nappy changes. As I had an epileptic seizure in the hospital on Saturday night, due to lack of sleep and stress, I was then not allowed to even approach my daughter's bili-bed with out being shouted at by a Midwife until we were discharged on the Sunday afternoon.
I now know that such a prescriptive way of dealing with jaundice is not evidence based and that if I had been helped in hospital before discharge we might have avoided a lot of the problems we went on to have.
After 8 weeks of around the clock pumping, nipple shields, lots of fenugreek and an amazing amount of support from my husband, we weaned Lily off her bottles and she was exclusively breast fed even though I always felt I had a low supply after stopping the bottles especially around ovulation and the first few days of my period.
We then went on to our next stumbling block: reflux. Lily was sick a lot and was very unhappy and unsettled. I refused to go back to bottle feeding, so after trying Infant Gaviscon to no avail, she was prescribed Domperidone which meant she was sick less and gained some weight. She still fed a lot (anything up to 1 ¾ hour feeds every 2 hours) but was happier and there was a lot less screaming. I wore her in a ring sling a lot, which helped settle her.
Around this time I discovered child-led weaning and vowed to let Lily decide when she was ready to stop nursing. Unfortunately I mentioned this to a friend who thought that breastfeeding over 6 months old would damage the baby's immune system for ever. She then took to sending me scientific data which apparently 'proved' her point (most in fact didn't even mention breastfeeding!).
I ended up developing Post Natal Depression-Obsessive Compulsive Disorder and refused to breastfeed my daughter for a day as latching her on made me be sick (I had thoughts of poisoned milk coming out of my breasts). My husband understood that I needed have the decision of whether to carry on breastfeeding taken out of my hands (as in my right mind I wouldn't have considered stopping) and persuaded me to start breastfeeding again. I got help from my Health Visitor but the Psychologist I was referred to was very anti-medication for a breastfeeding mother and insisted I wean before she would give me anything. This meant I had to research for myself which drugs were suitable before a colleague of hers would prescribe it (Sertraline/Zoloft). A thank you goes to Dr. Thomas Hale and his Internet web forum, he quite literally saved my life.
I then got nipple and ductal thrush which meant I was in a lot of pain (cut glass and razor blades is the best description of it) during and between feeds. Luckily by this time a breastfeeding group had been set up in our town so got advice on what to ask for at the GP and antibiotics with daktarin/nystatin solved the problem. If I hadn't have had that advice I wouldn't have been treated as the GP didn't believe in thrush in nipples/breasts.
Lily started complementary solids at 25 weeks with mostly purées but some finger foods before moving on to table foods by about 10 months. Lily then carried on breastfeeding until she was 3 years and 6 months old when she self weaned.
I got pregnant with Ali when Lily was 11 months old. My milk 'dried up' when I was 14 weeks pregnant so I started supplementing with cows' milk. My milk came back in at week 24 and Lily was overjoyed her 'bah' had come back. I had very sensitive nipples for the first trimester but I found that limiting the duration of the feeds worked best for Lily and I (we read 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar' whilst she nursed) as it meant she got to feed as often as she liked but I didn't have 1 hour long feeds to cope with. We also worked on nursing manners – no 'mugging' of mummy, no biting/pinching/twiddling/saying please/thank you and if I said 'I'll nurse you after I've answered the phone' I meant it and would nurse after the phone call.
When Ali was born, there wasn't any NHS help offered to me as it was assumed I knew what I was doing when in fact I hadn't got a clue how to breastfeed a newborn (Lily being bottle feed apart from the first 18 hours on day 1). On day 3 my husband and I were up at 2am looking at Dr Jack Newman's website videos which meant I was able to latch Ali on without pain. Again my husband proved invaluable with his support and encouragement in helping me breast feed our baby.
I tandem fed Lily and Ali. Lily would hold Ali's hands and stroke her which really strengthen their bond. However, after about 10 weeks, I stopped nursing them together as the negative feelings got too intense and it literally made my flesh creep to feel both of them nursing at the same time. Rather than weaning Lily I decided to feed them separately which took a little while to work but we soon got used to taking turns.
At 8 weeks I had a Psychiatrist appointment with a new doctor I went alone (I would have usually taken my husband for moral support) as I was feeling really good and had no real PND-OCD signs. The doctor insisted that I leave the children (8 week old baby and 22 month old toddler) with the receptionists so I wouldn't be distracted. I tried keep them with me by explaining that the baby was breastfeeding but the doctor was adamant I couldn't breast feed taking Sertraline. I explained I was put on it because I was breastfeeding Lily at the time of prescribing and she was still nursing. The doctor was disgusted and horrified I was breastfeeding a 22 month old as I must be forcing her to nurse and that I was nursing for my own needs (he intimated I was getting sexual pleasure from it). I then left the meeting and was back to not being able to breast feed my baby. Yet again my husband had to encourage me to nurse in spite of my feelings.
I continued to feel very depressed to the point that a Health Visitor at the breastfeeding group insisted I go the walk-in centre and see the Psychiatric Crisis Team who were very supportive. When I mention what had caused the recent problems the doctor very gently suggested that at 22 months my daughter did need solids as well as my milk. He laughed when I said she'd been on solids since 6 months and he asked what was the doctor's problem then! I got extra help from then on and no one suggested that I needed to stop breastfeeding to get well. Which is what I am now.
Ali was very easy to breast feed and she started solids all by herself at 23 weeks after diving into her sister's yoghurt and eating it. She had been sitting up unaided by 20 weeks, had lost her tongue thrust reflex, had a pincer grip and knew what food was and what to do with it. I figured I would go with it and did mainly finger foods with the odd spoonful of porridge, etc so took it at her pace. She really enjoyed herself with solids and eats a good variety of foods now.
I got pregnant with Clara when Lily was 2 years 10 months and Ali was 14 months old. Things went the same way as Ali's pregnancy – painful feeding in first trimester and no milk from week 14 but between weeks 24 & 26 both Lily and Ali went on a nursing strike. They both started nursing again within hours of each other. My colostrum came back in within a few days of the strike ending which made for two very happy girls and a very happy mum (who was puzzled by the mustardy diarrhoea that both of them had until my husband pointed out my colostrum was back in and that is what it did to Lily's nappies last time!).
Lily self weaned when I was 36 weeks pregnant. She had had a poor latch for about two weeks before but I put the pain down to being pregnant (Ali's feeding didn't hurt though). One morning she tried to latch on but her tongue just didn't know what to do and she couldn't work out where to put it any more. I felt in her mouth and she had some big gaps at the back of her gums/jaw that hadn't been there about a month previously so we thought her jaw had started changing shape to allow for the next set of molars through. She has 2 of her first adult molars at 4.9y/o. Lily was quite pleased that she was a really big girl and I was asked to pump some milk for her when the baby was born for her to have in a cup (I did and she thought it was revolting!).
Clara took to nursing right from the start although she did make a clicking noise whilst feeding until about 5 months old. After eliminating the other possibilities (poor latch/tongue tie) and on consulting Dr Brian Palmer's website, it was decided she had a bubble palate (my other daughters and my husband have it on closer inspection). It presented no problems apart from the distracting noise!
Aside from the palate abnormality we had no difficulties until she was 8 weeks old and caught RSV which caused bronchiolitis which made her too weak to breastfeed effectively so I expressed and syringe/cup fed whilst she was having oxygen treatment. She was hospitalised for a few days and I stayed with her. I was under a fair bit of pressure to bottle feed her but as she had never had a bottle as I felt it would be too much stress to force her to have one whilst she was ill. A few weeks later she got bronchiolitis again and this time was much more poorly and had to be put on oxygen and have an NG tube. She developed bronchiolitis a further 2 times but managed to keep breast feeding. She went from the 91st percentile to the 2nd for weight due to her ill health and her growth stalled for a few months. I was encouraged to keep breastfeeding by her Paediatrician.
Clara was exclusively breast fed to 26 weeks and we started her on solids (BLW) the week before her last bout of bronchiolitis. The paediatrician told us to stop solids and concentrate on breastfeeding her until she recovered. The following week I collapsed with pancreatitis and was hospitalised for a week. Clara wasn't allowed to stay with me in the hospital and neither was I allowed to use the maternity units pumps more than twice a day (unless I walked to the other end of the hospital! Which I did and promptly collapsed in the pump room). So in the end we had to hire a NCT pump whilst still in the hospital so I could keep up my milk supply.
As I hadn't been expressing (I was too ill to hand express or use a manual pump) I got mastitis which meant I had IV antibiotics and Clara had to have formula to supplement what little I was expressing. A friend with a baby the same age even expressed a feed for Clara.
Clara was brought in to hospital to feed whenever possible but really wasn't enough to keep things going. I came home, and luckily, Clara still wanted to nurse and took back to breast feeding easily. I was in hospital for another week three months later whilst I had my gall bladder out. This time we took the NCT pump in with us but still my supply dropped to the low point of 5mls combined per session even with 12 pumping sessions, block pumping and hand expression following pumping. With a bit of work from Clara when I was home it soon picked up again.
Ali wouldn't nurse whilst I was in hospital but as soon as I was home would happily nurse again. They are both still nursing at 3 years and 1 month and 1 year and 3 months. I have no plans to wean them and am hoping that they will both find their own time to stop nursing. I use Nursing Manners to ensure everyone has a happy nursing experience for as long as they chose to nurse. I am have been a peer supporter with the breastfeeding group that helped me so much for about 18 months now. I am also hoping to train to be a breastfeeding counsellor in the future.
Share your experience - Rebecca's story
I was lucky enough to fall pregnant just after my best friend and I was doubly lucky to make contact with an old school friend via Facebook when I was pregnant; I with my first her with her fourth. She was a breastfeeding peer counsellor and encouraged me to go along to one of the cafes, this along side my best friend talking to me about her plans to breastfeed left me fully informed and passionately planning to breastfeed. My best friend had huge issues and lack of support when her son was born and she made the decision to formula feed. I still had 6 months to go and ran out and bought bottles and sterilising equipment in case I found myself in the same position.
Two months before my due date I was diagnosed with gestational diabetes, diet controlled. I was warned on the forum I used that it was very common that if baby was born with low blood sugars they would insist he feed immediately and that it might be likely that I wouldn't be able to do this if I'd been induced (as doctors were insisting I would be if I made it to 40wks) and had to have a Cesarean section, epidural or an insulin drip, so recommended I start expressing so I had breast milk to give baby just in case.
For four weeks before baby was due, I massaged and tried to express and got nothing, at all, zilch! I was told that I may not be doing it correctly or that it was normal and would come in when baby arrived. I was lucky that my peer counselling friend also donates milk to our local hospital and had offered me some of her milk to take in case of an emergency. I was very well read and horrified by formula so jumped at her offer
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When my son arrived (38+4) my labour was very quick (20 mins from 5cm) and he was born with high blood sugars, within a few minutes of him being born I asked my midwife if I should try and latch him. She told me only if he looked like he wanted it, that as his sugar levels were so high he probably wouldn't be interested at all and to just wait till he was.....12 hours later I was still waiting! Roughly 20 minutes after he was born I was rushed off for a shower and my son was cleaned up and dressed so I could be taken to a ward, everything I knew about skin to skin was lost on the moment and I followed orders, losing put on what could have been key time to prevent the problems I was about to encounter.
I had tried to latch him a few times over the night, he was very little (6lb 8oz) and sleepy. He didn't cry at all even when born (he made the cutest little mewing noise though) so I felt he was content and not to worry. I met with the Dr for his normal checks that afternoon and was asked if he'd fed, to which my answer was no. His sugars were still high but dropping, but there was no concern, I was just instructed to get feeding in place so I could go home. I met with breastfeeding support and was told I was doing everything correctly, but my son had a weak suck and only latched for short periods.
The hospital was sweltering, we were both naked but sweating and this was keeping him sleepy and unwilling to feed. I asked a Lactation Consultant to help as he wouldn't latch and I was told 'if he won't open his mouth there's nothing I can do'. Along side all the hospital's unhelpful support, I was lucky enough to have my best friend and my school friend vigorously texting support, it was only this that kept me strong for the string of midwives that would tell me that I was to give my baby formula and that I was wrong not to.
Three days after he was born I was completely stressed out, he still hadn't fed but I had now realised that I didn't have any milk coming out. The night of the third day, I was attempting to feed him again and found that when I picked him up we were hotter than ever which was unusual for night. I asked one of the midwives to come and check him as I feared a fever, she clearly thought I was crazy, came after an hour to take his temperature and told me he was fine.
She asked me 'are you ready to give this baby a bottle yet?' I told the midwife that I had donated breast milk with me from a hospital donor and that if he needed it then I would be happy to give him this. She replied 'that's totally unacceptable' and walked off.
This was my breaking point, I sat and sobbed over his cot feeling a failure and clearly it was me causing all the issues. I decided that after his next blood sugar test, if we hadn't initiated feeding and his sugars had dropped more that I would give him a bottle. The next morning I texted this to my breast friend and she suggested asking for a breast pump to try and bring my milk out, a new midwife was on duty and she was fabulously supportive. My one last try and after 20 minutes pumping I had colostrum! I cried with relief. I syringe fed him the bits I had collected and latched him again. The sugars were better but he now had jaundice! They wanted me to stay in another day. I still felt positive and things felt much better. The next day the jaundice wasn't any worse and after a lot of debating agreed to let me go home.
Once at home the lack of heat made things feel so much easier! I took to bed and we simply fed and slept. The midwife came the next day and latched us perfectly, things were just getting better and better. Because it was so far along and my son didn't even have milk yet only colostrum, he was looking very dehydrated, his soft spot was very sunken and his weight was down to 5lb 10oz. The midwife started coming every day, she insisted I top up but was happy for me to pump and top up, but pumping saw me produce very little. I was being told daily by the midwife that unless I topped up he was likely to need to go back in to hospital (not true as although he wasn't gaining he wasn't losing weight) but under the pressure I decided that as my friend was kind enough to donate milk to us, I would use that to top him up, his weight obviously shot up and the midwife signed us off.
We spent the next few weeks in bed feeding and eventually found our feet.
I owe our success to the support of the friends around us. I feel very blessed to have had them. I feel like breast feeding rates have dropped mostly due to the demise of the extended family and neighbours and the wealth of experience that is list with it.
Share your experience - Kayleigh's story
| I'm currently breastfeeding my 9 month old son, after not being as successful with two older boys. When my eldest was born almost 5 years ago I knew nothing about breastfeeding. I actually believed that there wasn't much difference how you fed your baby. I wanted to give it a go, but I also wasn't too worried whether I managed to do it for long or not. When my son was born he latched fine pretty quickly after birth. he fed well. It was sore, but wasn't as scary as some stories I hear about cracked and bleeding nipples. He fed A LOT, which I now know is perfectly normal for a new born baby. I, however, thought it was that he was "big" at 8lb 15oz, and that I was not filling him up, after all, my Dad had told me that I wouldn't be able to breastfeed because my breasts were too small (a B cup) At 2 days old the midwife came to visit and I asked about the feeding. Her reply pretty much backed up my fears! Then she offered me a life line. If I didn't want to completely switch to formula I could "combine feed"! During the day my son had formula in a bottle, at night he would have breast milk. We co-slept. We carried on like that for 5 months as he gradually cut down his night feeds until he didn't want any more. I thought I had done well! I had nearly made the 6 months, so what if it was only part time feeding, and he stopped right before he got his 1st tooth so I didn't have to stop him feeding! When I look back now I shake my head in disappointment at my young naive self. But I had enjoyed the experience and I soon missed it. I planned to give it a better go with my next baby. When baby number 2 arrived 3 years ago I made sure I didn't have any formula in the house so I wouldn't be tempted. I knew by then that it was normal for them to feed lots early on. Still didn't know there was much difference in the milk though. I remember my Nan seeing me breastfeeding, the shock on her face as she exclaimed "are you breastfeeding him!" It wasn't in a good way either! I used the excuse "well he wont take a bottle, just spits it out" *I'm ashamed of that now* I started to feel down and was diagnosed with post natal depression. It is the hardest thing to describe but I loved breastfeeding, but resented my baby! I was put onto medication for the depression, I took it as I thought I was a danger, but it meant stopping feeding. I have now been told there are some medications you can feed with but again at the time I wasn't told that and didn't know so i listened to the doctor. I fed him for a total of 6 weeks. Since the birth of my 3rd son 9 months ago I have joined a forum for breastfeeding. I have started following this blog as well as the Milk Matters blog and have made a real effort to find out the facts. I am disappointed in myself that I didn't try harder and find these things out with the others as I didn't really have any trouble breastfeeding and did actually enjoy it. I just didn't think there was a need to as "the formula was almost as good" and wouldn't make much difference. Even with my youngest I thought I would stop at 6 months or when he got teeth. His now got 6! I now try to help others who have questions about breastfeeding and try to educate them the way I wish I had been. |
Share your experience - Lisa D's Story
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| Isla Breastfeeding |
I didn't read anything about breastfeeding before I had my first baby. I just assumed it would happen easily, and didn't really involve more than getting your boobs out and popping the baby on. I never thought about all the anxieties, mostly irrational, about my ability to feed my baby. Most things simply didn't occur to me until I actually breastfed.
I got off to a bad start with an unexpected c-section. Drugged, exhausted, somewhat in a state of shock, I suddenly had a newborn baby and holy crap, he wants food and I'm his only means of nutrition. I couldn't position him comfortably and balanced him precariously on a nursing pillow while attempting to avoid putting pressure on my scar.
I got off to a bad start with an unexpected c-section. Drugged, exhausted, somewhat in a state of shock, I suddenly had a newborn baby and holy crap, he wants food and I'm his only means of nutrition. I couldn't position him comfortably and balanced him precariously on a nursing pillow while attempting to avoid putting pressure on my scar.
He doesn't just latch on and feed; he sucks for a minute and pulls off screaming. And by the gods, what the HELL is this awful abdominal pain I'm feeling whenever he feeds? I'm in so much pain, I'm only on paracetamol (because morphine makes me want to throw up), and I can't sleep because I'm stuck in a hospital ward with five other mothers and five screamy babies. In the middle of the night, Jack keeps waking up to feed and I have no idea how to get him latched on. The midwives are so overworked that all they can do is come to my bed, plug Jack in, and quickly dash off to the next person. I don't know how they got him latched on and I'm terrified to move in case he detaches himself and I need to ring that goddamn bell again.
In the days that follow, he continues to latch on (painfully) in very small spurts every couple of hours, screaming between feeds. I don't know what I'm doing wrong and I don't know who I can speak to about it. Whenever Jack cried for a feed, I literally felt ill knowing that I'd have to endure a toe-curling latch and yet another unsuccessful feed. I watched the clock, horrified that two hours had passed so quickly, knowing that another feed was coming.
At two weeks, a health visitor (relocated now, thankfully), advised that I "top up" with formula. I gave Jack his first bottle of formula and it broke my heart. I rang Paul at work sobbing; I couldn't do something as basic as breastfeed, and the guilt was incredible. Supplementing, of course, led to supply issues and by two months, it became necessary to stop breastfeeding completely. Not having to breastfeed any more was actually a relief.
When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was determined to learn as much as I could about breastfeeding and spoke to my independent midwife about needing support, especially in the first weeks. I went over everything that happened with Jack and chatted with mums in "real life" and online. I felt so much more prepared, but more importantly, I felt like I had an arsenal of information and support.
At two weeks, a health visitor (relocated now, thankfully), advised that I "top up" with formula. I gave Jack his first bottle of formula and it broke my heart. I rang Paul at work sobbing; I couldn't do something as basic as breastfeed, and the guilt was incredible. Supplementing, of course, led to supply issues and by two months, it became necessary to stop breastfeeding completely. Not having to breastfeed any more was actually a relief.
When I got pregnant with my daughter, I was determined to learn as much as I could about breastfeeding and spoke to my independent midwife about needing support, especially in the first weeks. I went over everything that happened with Jack and chatted with mums in "real life" and online. I felt so much more prepared, but more importantly, I felt like I had an arsenal of information and support.
Mia's birth was infinitely easier than Jack's, with no major recovery issues, and this undoubtedly made a difference to breastfeeding this time around. Also, not having that first time mum learning curve helped. I was more confident and trusted my instincts. I breastfed Mia until she self-weaned at 19 months (when I was pregnant with my third baby, and I think my supply had dipped as Mia kept saying "Gone!" every time she
latched on.) I breastfed Isla until she was 14 months old; it went swimmingly right from the beginning. And for this, I'm very grateful. And very proud.
This is why I jumped at the opportunity when the health visitor suggested that I take a course to become a peer supporter. I knew what it was like to have no one to speak to and to have no confidence in my own abilities, and I knew what it was like to formula feed. I hoped that this would help me give unbiased support and that being a "been there, done that" mum might make mums who are struggling feel a little bit more comfortable talking to me.
latched on.) I breastfed Isla until she was 14 months old; it went swimmingly right from the beginning. And for this, I'm very grateful. And very proud.
This is why I jumped at the opportunity when the health visitor suggested that I take a course to become a peer supporter. I knew what it was like to have no one to speak to and to have no confidence in my own abilities, and I knew what it was like to formula feed. I hoped that this would help me give unbiased support and that being a "been there, done that" mum might make mums who are struggling feel a little bit more comfortable talking to me.
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