Intro

All content of this blog is my own opinion only. It does not represent the views of any organisation or association I may work for, or be associated with. Nothing within this blog should be considered as medical advice and you should always consult your Doctor.
Showing posts with label Breastfeeding Bully. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Breastfeeding Bully. Show all posts

Infant Feeding - Massive Straw Men with Ambivalence & Gaslights

"A straw man is a common form of argument and is an informal fallacy based on giving the impression of refuting an opponent's argument, while actually refuting an argument that was not presented by that opponent. One who engages in this fallacy is said to be "attacking a straw man."
When it comes to discussing infant feeding, we cover bodily autonomy a lot; mothers and their families have the right to decide how to feed their babies. Nobody should be pressurised into breastfeeding and similarly no mother should be pressurised into not breastfeeding.  It sounds pretty simple and yet it's not.

Infant feeding and discussion of, is fuelled by sleep-deprivation, hormones and significant cognitive dissonance - tangled up with complex emotions and a healthcare system that has now lost valuable skills.

Ultimately we know that many fail to receive adequate support when it comes to feeding their baby, leaving a wake of mothers failed by the system, society or both.

The perhaps most vocal response to this recently, is to claim that it doesn't really matter how we feed our babies anyway.

You can see how this happens - a mum wanted to breastfeed, couldn't and thus relays her story of the difficulties she's faced.  Human nature to many when it comes to hearing pain/distress in others, is to attempt to "fix" it.  To provide a solution which will relieve, however temporarily, the discomfort another is feeling.

To hear, acknowledge, to agree that not everyone can or wants to breastfeed or to help her unpick what happened may not feel enough - particularly when so many lack the skills to enable the latter.

So follows the response is that she shouldn't worry - as it doesn't really matter anyway...

The mum's words often read as though it mattered to her. Whether expressed as anger, guilt, sadness or in any other form, the one emotion that doesn't provoke a heated response is ambivalence.  Thus we can safely say mum is feeling something. To dismiss her desires or needs as unimportant seems the ultimate act of anti-feminism.

If a mum is telling you she wants to breastfeed, trying to convince her she's wrong and that it doesn't matter, or that she probably can't do it, that she's selfish and just doing it for herself, would really not be OK in any other discussion than how we feed our babies.

This is also when we typically see the Straw Man rear his head.

When it comes to infant feeding, the biggest clue is that the writer will often use made up terms to address imaginary groups of people - for example "lactivists".

Strangely enough this term doesn't appear in the recognised dictionaries, but we can turn to the urban dictionary for this definition:
"A lactivist is a lactation activist: someone who considers him/herself an advocate for breastfeeding, whether or not s/he's nursed. Lactivism comes in many forms: choosing to breastfeed, choosing to breastfeed for an extended period of time, choosing to breastfeed in public, choosing to smile at a breastfeeding woman, encouraging other women to breastfeed, educating the public on the benefits of breastfeeding, lobbying for pro-breastfeeding legislation, etc. Maybe you're already a lactivist, and didn't know it."
That would seem to cover rather a large demographic - anyone who considers
himself an advocate, anyone who has breastfed, anyone who smiles at someone breastfeeding?

One article someone screenshot recently stated that "lactivists promote inadequate weight gain in babies by saying it's acceptable".

This is the classic straw-man, a technique to derail discussion by refuting an argument that has never been made.  

There is no statement from the "world leader of lactivists", representing all lactivists worldwide making any such statement - they didn't ask me, did they ask you?  Who exactly are the "lactivists" referenced?

If  specific people are making the claim babies don't need food, addressing them directly would seem more effective than an open letter to a fictional collective.

"Lactation consultants" are another group readily attacked in a similar way. 

Recently I read suggestion that "lactation consultants claim a single bottle of formula can destroy supply."

I'm an International Board Certified Lactation Consultant (IBCLC) and I don't claim this, so is my colleague Debs and neither does she.  My friend Helen in Canada is also an IBCLC and similarly makes no such claims, neither does Jo in the US.  Our regulatory body didn't make this statement - so perhaps what is actually meant is one person, somewhere, calling themselves a lactation consultant, said it?

We often see similar tactics employed by far-right groups, but they're often much more easily identified than when it comes to infant feeding.

Instead this anti-breastfeeding agenda is promoted as merely a reasonable middle ground - a place where no infant feeding method is considered superior to another, because this is really what many want to hear right?  Pat pat women on the head, don't fret dear...

Imagine this in any other area of health - does what adults eat matter or will my GP be promoting beige ready meals and chips next?  If so at what age does it shift from not mattering to being the cornerstone of health?
What about an active lifestyle, is there really enough consistently convincing evidence we need to move?

The next time someone tells you how a mother feeds her baby doesn't matter, blow out the gaslight and listen to the mothers telling you it does.

Are You A Breastfeeding Bully? Stop The Bressure! TAKE 2

Although this was written late 2015, I only had the joy of it appearing on my timeline today.   The entry at "fabworkingmomlife" starts ok:

"Breastfeeding can be a beautiful, wonderful thing. But it isn't for everyone, and that perfectly fine. Some women choose to breastfeed while others choose not to, and those are simply two ways to feed a baby. Unfortunately, there are people who make women feel guilty for the choices they make. Well I'm here to say let’s put an end to the bullying and stop the bressure.  Some people might not even realize they are being breastfeeding bullies, so I have put together this little quiz to help identify what makes a bully.

I concur, well for the most part - personally I think it  would be fairer to give a nod to the pumpers, the mix-feeders rather than conclude there are only two ways to feed a baby. Furthermore it's probably not massively accurate to infer they''re two equal choices, but whohooo a quiz!
I became confused at the last  part though - to me a "breastfeeding bully" means you bully mums who breastfeed.  I therefore edited the quiz a tad :)

Are You a Breastfeeding Bully?

Yeah, I added the pic for interest...
  • Do you judge other moms for not breastfeeding? (Don’t be so judgy!)
  • Do you confront moms who are bottle feeding breastfeeding their child and try to tell them that bottlefeeding is better more convenient and acceptable in public? (Ever heard of MYOB?)
  • Do you call  formula breastfeeding “poison” or “garbage” "gross" or say "ew"? Do you think mums should express or wear a cover? (Oh, so you never eat food from the supermarket? If you don’t grow all your food and say this, you are being a hypocrite Hey have you ever tried to feed a baby under a cover?)
  • Do you stop being friends with someone if they formula feed breastfeed their child past the age you consider acceptable? (Some friend you are. She is better off not being friends with you anyway.)
  • Do you think recognise that if you had an easy a hard time breastfeeding, then it should be easy for everyone else the women you see breastfeeding might have faced problems too? (Seriously, everyone’s different and have different challenges.)
  • Do you give others dirty looks while you’re whilst they're breastfeeding your their child publicly? (I’ve seen it.and think "that’s not feeding your baby, that’s making a statement.")
If you answer yes to two one or more of that list, you’re a breastfeeding bully. Take a good look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself to stop the bressure. (And also learn to mind your own business, because you don’t know someone’s situation and shouldn't try to push your own beliefs on them.)There is a difference between lactivist and being kind and being a bully. A breastfeeding advocate kind person raises awareness and supports mothers. Bullies just judge and shame others. It is no secret that I am a supporter of breastfeeding and yet I am struggling with it and having to supplement with formula. It isn't for everyone – not everyone can breastfeed, and not everyone wants to breastfeed – and that is OK! It doesn't mean you love your child any less and it doesn't mean your child will suffer for it (although unless she has a crystal ball, I'm not entirely sure she can predict whether that particular baby will suffer as a result of not receiving human milk?). Your baby will thrive and grow into a successful adult not because of how you fed him or her, but depending on how you parented and raised him or her.


I'd also like to add:


Similarly we need to recognise mothers are shamed for breastfeeding their babies and yet not being "modest" enough and judged for feeding longer than the first few weeks or months. We need to acknowledge mothers can feel unsupported and self conscious breastfeeding in public, concerned someone may embarrass them for feeding their child. We need to recognise the fundamental problem goes far deeper than how a mother feeds her baby, it stems from a society that encourages social competition between women based mainly on aesthetics; who is the most beautiful, desirable, sexy, nipped, tucked, lifted and waxed? Providing of course a woman is revealing her body for advertising or seduction or to appeal - it's a different story if she chooses to use her body to feed her baby, then we have this almost 1950's style mock coyness about a glimpse of flesh.  It's all about control, and we need to look further than other mothers.