Emma's Pregnancy Diary - Armadillo Style

When the lovely Emma (who helps as an admin on Facebook) rang me to share some news, I thought it would make perfect blog fodder to share with you all.  Ever modest Emma wasn't sure people would want to read her story, but after a little harrasement asking nicely, she kindly agreed <grin>.  


Whilst we see lots of journals shared by first time mums, I thought hearing from a mum of two planning her third addition might be of interest to those who already have children and perhaps are thinking about more! :D

Over to Emma:

I'M PREGNANT....Well, it’s a good start. That was the plan. We’ve been “trying” for quite a few months, but as my periods haven’t started since the birth of son #2 and I’d had no signs of ovulation so I didn’t think that we were going to get anywhere fast.

The Armadillo is chuckling heartily at this point, because I recently rang her recently to discuss my nursing son’s fussy behaviour and tiredness. When she asked if pregnancy was a possibility, I assured her it wasn’t – because of course, I was sure it wasn’t.

Quite how I came to find out I was pregnant is another story in itself - so here’s what happened.

Given that I knew quite clearly I could conceive on my first ovulation, I was looking out for signs of egg laying (fluids, cervix position and Mittelschmerz, I wasn’t bothering with temperatures). I pride myself on being pretty switched on with this stuff; Which as they say, comes before a fall!

So I didn’t notice any signs of ovulation, and was assuming that they were still suppressed by son #2’s breastfeeding. I’d been chatting to my breastfeeding counsellor about ways to trigger ovulation, and we were aiming for a 5 hour gap within each 24 hour period as for some women this is enough to get things going.

However, given, I thought, that I may just miss that I’d ovulated, and given that I might just conceive on that first cycle, I thought I’d be very smart and be one step ahead of myself. So I ordered 20 cheapy ebay tests for about £2 so that I could take one test every 2 weeks, thus knowing for sure when I wasn’t pregnant, so I would then know how far on I was when I did get pregnant.

They duly arrived and I quickly did one, just to get a job out of the way, and nearly passed out with shock when the pink line appeared. It’s a good thing that I bought 20, as I used the next 10 straight away (well, you never know). It’s a good thing that hubby works from home so I was able to go straight up and tell him. That put a grin on his face.

So the next question is – how pregnant am I?

I’ve been really, really tired for about three weeks now and just not managing to keep up with my normal “stuff”. So, I’m guessing 7-8 weeks would be about right. I’ve obviously conceived on my first ovulation post delivery, which is great, which would make it about 13 months without periods. Good old breastfeeding.

Now to see if I’m right…


24th October

I’ve booked in with the midwife this Friday. I’ve actually moved surgeries to do so! I am a peer supporter and one group that I sometimes cover has a midwife drop-in at the same time. The midwife is really pro home birth, and a few months ago was running a big fun day at the local Children’s Centre to raise money for homebirth pools. I was very happy to be able to help, running a stand for our local NCT group. A friend made an amazing cake with a waterbirthing mum and baby on top! That went into the raffle and was very much admired including by one small boy (not mine!!) who decided to try to have a taste. It was a good day. I liked the midwife so much that I decided to find out which surgery she was at, so this afternoon saw me filling in new patient forms for me, Son #1 and Son #2 (hubby is sticking with his GP, thank you very much).

The receptionist asked me how pregnant I was and I was very embarrassed to say that I had no idea, but I guessed 7-8 weeks. Hopefully my midwife will be able to give me a better idea!

UPDATE TWO

28th October
Midwife booking appointment - she was as lovely as expected and delighted to take me on as a homebirth booking. We had a good chat about my last two births and how things didn’t go as planned, and why I was so determined to home birth this time. She explained about the Trust’s obligations to provide a home birthing midwife and how to be firm on the day should it be necessary.

We discussed some of my really big concerns, such as the PPH (post partum haemorrhage) that I’d had last time and how she would handle it and was extremely reassuring. In both my last deliveries I’ve aimed for an unmanaged third stage. With Son #1 they got very jittery and scared me after an hour had passed, and persuaded me into the injection. With Son #2 they were very encouraging and supportive, and all was fine, but then I did start to lose blood which was rather worrying for everyone and I ended up very weak after birth and anaemic for some months afterwards. It was all fine, but I think a bit less messing around with me and a bit more letting me get on with it would have ensured the contractions would have racked back up more quickly and limited the blood loss.

So after all of this, out came the pregnancy wheel and she asked me when my last period was. I don’t think that “2009” was helpful! So she then asked me if I’d any idea of my dates and I had to make a full confession: not only did I not know how pregnant I was, I’d not actually thought I was pregnant when I took the test!

Once we’d established that I for one couldn't help with dates, I popped up onto the couch and she had a rummage around.

Shock number two – she estimates 12-14 weeks. Aarrgghh!

31st October
Emergency scan at a private scanning clinic as the NHS can’t offer me a scan for another 2 weeks. We want the nuchal scan (Down’s Syndrome test) and if I’m really that far on then that might be too late for the nuchal. Despite been here twice before with Sons #1 and #2 it didn’t make it any easier. In a sense we didn’t really know why we were doing it because if it came up as high risk, what then? It’s not a diagnostic scan, just a screening giving a risk, not an answer. We really don’t want to have an amniocentesis with the risk of miscarriage. I think we’re both burying our heads in the sand a bit and hoping for the best.

On the other hand it all seems a bit silly, because there are so very many ways in which a baby may have problems, so why a low risk result would be reassuring I don’t know! Still, it was wonderful to see that the pink pregnancy test line had magically morphed into a cute little baby shape, complete with heartbeat and nasal bone (which apparently is a good thing on the Down’s test). Baby measures at 14 weeks! It seems to get longer every time! I have a blood test taken to get the most accurate screening results which we’ll get in a few days.

We drive home armed with lots of fuzzy piccies of a rather skeletal looking baby and memories of the sound of the heart beat, hugely happy and excited and just ever so slightly embarrassed. Or I am, at least. Hubby really can’t believe that I’m over 3 months pregnant and didn’t know. So much for me being “in tune” with my body. Much ribbing was undertaken.

3rd November
Flu jab. I’d been told in no uncertain terms that contracting flu could be quite dangerous for a pregnant lady so after some research I decided to go for it. I’ve never had one before so was hoping I wouldn’t have a reaction to it. Everyone seemed to be really pushing it at the surgery and saying that it was totally safe, etc etc, until I actually got to the nurse who did the jab who then proceeded to tell me that it was untested in pregnant women (because it’s unethical – but apparently quite ethical to just dole them out), we don’t know if it’s safe for the baby, blah blah. I made some comment about how it’s been around for a while now and we’d have heard about any significant problems to which she replied, “well we’d hope so” which didn’t fill me with confidence! I asked if my having the vaccination would pass any immunity onto Son #2 through my milk, which she didn’t know but she did then pull out all her documents to see if it was safe for lactating women (which it is, apparently. Either that, or untested!). Nice that she didn’t bat an eyelid that I am breastfeeding a toddler (who was with me causing havoc and destruction as is his norm).

4th November
UK Association for Milk Banking Trustees meeting today. We’re planning some awareness campaigns including one in May so I fessed up to the fact that I was likely to be busy on or around the 1st May. A fellow trustee with 3 children made it clear that I was totally nuts by joining the club J. Ah well, at least we know it’s not twins.

And we got the results from the nuchal scan! Excellent result – risk of 1:21,000 compared to my age-related risk of 1:175. It is a relief and yet I can’t help but wonder why. There are so many disabilities out there, so why did we put so much score on just one? And then there was the awful question of what would we do if the risk factor came back as a high risk? This is a screening test, not a diagnostic test. Would we then risk the diagnostic test with a miscarriage rate of between 1:100 and 1:200? And let’s say we did that, and it came back as positive for Downs. Then what would we do?

 
These questions, in one form or another, are questions that most pregnant mums or couples will need to work through, even if it’s only to decide that they’ll have no screening at all. For us, we chose to bury our head in the sand and wait for the screening results, feeling that there was no point in trying to resolve the “next step” questions unless necessary.

I feel very lucky in many ways that we have reached this point in this pregnancy without having the weeks of anticipation. I think one of the hardest things is finding people to discuss it with because of the high levels of emotions involved with all “options”. We can now close this door and move on – at least until the 20 week scan. But many people can’t, and that’s tough to think about.

I wish that a more open discussion about the euphemistic “options” was possible. I don’t think that anyone can imagine themselves being the parent of a child with a serious disability, but the idea of aborting one’s child is also abhorrent. For some it would never be an option and for others it would be the only choice. Emotions, quite rightly, run so strongly on both sides that to even think about mentioning it risks deep distress – and yet not talking about it leaves mums approaching screening in a state of confusion and worry. This is why I have written this post. I don’t have any answers but I know I’m not alone in wishing that there were some.


UPDATE THREE

7^th November
I took Son #2 for a cranial osteopathy session today.  He goes every 4-6 months after this was recommended by Milk Matters.  It seems that babies who are born with tongue tie are more prone to having cranial tension, and Son #2 had the additional problem that my waters had broken 5 days before he was born so without the cushioning effect in utero he got a bit more squashed than he might have been.  He was actually a “C” shape when he was born – I called him my little comma!  It took him a week or so to straighten out but there was definitely tension left in his little head.  The work now, though, is to ensure that as he grows the normal tension from just living and getting bigger is released a couple of times a year.  He’s got a high arch palate (related to the tongue tie) and these few things together mean that going just every so often seems to help. 

Afterwards he slept for 4 hours in the afternoon, then went to bed at his normal time and slept brilliantly overnight so clearly something positive happened!

24th & 25th November 
Could it get any better? I’ve just spent 2 days at UNICEF’s Baby Friendly conference in Liverpool That’s right – 2 days talking breastfeeding and child development!  Absolutely fantastic.  I travelled over with a friend who is a Breastfeeding Counsellor and we stayed overnight which was a bit scary as it’s the first time I’ve been away from Son #2 for that long.  I was planning on getting the first full night’s sleep for 2 years, only it was far more interesting chatting to my friend!  We eventually stopped nattering at 1pm.  But it was worth it.

The conference was fab.  There were some amazing speakers, perhaps most notably two speakers discussing the ways that babies’ brains develop and how they learn to love and have solid, positive relationships from before birth to just 6 months into their lives.  It’s a case of “use it or lose it” with the human brain, and if they don’t receive that love and care then it’s much harder for them to learn to give it.

Much guilt all round as each of us sat there and remembered our not-so-positive mummy moments, but of course there are extremes in all this and really what we are talking about is proper neglect and its life-long impact on a person.

Most tragic was the brain scans that were shown of babies born into a healthy, loving family and babies who were raised in those horrific Romanian orphanages.  It clearly showed the differences between the development of the babies born into the loving families and the virtual absence of certain areas of the brain for those who went through the most severe neglect.

More chirpy talks came from a lady from the US who was discussing the studies that she’s done in her hospital’s NICU into the ways that a mother’s own breastmilk makes a highly significant difference to the outcome of a premature baby compared to babies fed artificial milks.  She went into the science of how this works, from colostrum to mature milk, and how formula disrupts this process.  She works in an area with dreadfully low breastfeeding rates and they have achieved an initiation rate of 95% which is incredible!  They have paid peer supporters – including a fella – who work with the parents to talk through their mutual experiences and to encourage them to see their milk as medicine for their precious babies.  They do weekly discussion and support groups where they introduce specific topics so parents can not only go through things that are concerning them, but they’re learning about the science as well.

Sadly the rates of breastfeeding after the babies are well enough to leave the hospital aren’t so good due to the cultural pressures put onto these women.  However many of them leave with months of expressed milk so their babies can at least continue to be fed breast milk for quite some time.

One disappointing talk was by one of the founders of the website “Mumsnet”.  The topic was “What Mothers are Talking About” but a great deal of time was spent talking about Mumsnet as a company, and very few slides were dedicated to actual discussions from the site.  This was a shame as I feel that Mumsnet discussions are a great way for Health Care Professionals to see what’s being said from “the other side”.  She greatly emphasised Mumsnet’s support of the Nestle Boycott and their decision not to allow formula advertising but at the end of the talk she was asked why in that case their logo featured a woman holding a baby’s bottle.  She replied that it was filled with expressed milk which, to say the least, was not well received as an answer…

It was very exciting to meet two fabulous people at the conference – Mike Brady of Baby Milk Action and Gabrielle Palmer, author of the wonderful “The Politics of Breastfeeding” and the essential “ComplimentaryFeeding”.

On a personal note, I’d taken my pump with me in case I needed it, only I found I’d missed a critical part.  I’ve never been good at hand expressing so was a bit concerned, but in fact I was fine and didn't get too full.  By the time I got home late on the Friday night I was definitely ready to feed him, but he was also very happy to me my boobs so all was well!  Apparently he’d been signing “milk” at nursery in a rather sad way all day, but otherwise had been fine.  I was glad to be back together with him, his brother and my lovely husband though.  Getting a break was great, and coming back was even better! 

One final note to the conference, I did see a few people there who have helped me on my breastfeeding journey with son #2 and I did wonder how many people go to a conference and see 4 different people who have seen their boobs!

7^TH December

We’ve had a tough few days and I’m exhausted.  Son #2 has been unwell following the over consumption of oak milk (if allowed to he will drink gallons of it and he did a play-off between hubby and me where neither of us realised we were both filling up his cup”).

Following my night away at the conference we decided that we were going to have another go at night weaning him.  He’s 18 months and clearly doesn’t need the food, as he usually just has a quick suckle and he’s sleeping again.  Problem is that I’m getting pretty tired even though I’m only halfway through this pregnancy, and I’d like to see if him not getting a boob will encourage him to not bother looking for it if he wakes, and go back off on his own.

We’ve tried it before and he’s got upset so we’ve just let it go (neither of us being really bothered about it) and this time it seemed to be working well.  We had a cup of water for him in case he was thirsty and he did sometimes have a sip of that and settled straight back to sleep.

But, it’s all gone pear shaped since he’s been unwell, even though it was only one night of a poorly tummy.  Since then he’s been not only waking frequently from about midnight onwards but absolutely refusing to sleep again (even when given a boob) and I’m on my knees right now.

On a positive note I’m feeling lovely baby movements which I am really enjoying.  S/he’s doing little rolls and some quite solid kicks from time to time, and my favourite me-and-baby time is when I’ve just snuggled into bed next to a sleeping son #2 (hubby is currently consigned to the spare room with his snorey-coldey head) and I lie there in the darkness just tuning into my baby’s play.  I am so loving being pregnant and with this being the last time (or at least the last planned time!) I want to try to make the most of it.

I’m looking forward to a call from our region’s Independent Midwife tonight.  Hubby and I have decided that we are really nervous about trusting our homebirth to the NHS.  While our midwife is passionately supportive of homebirth, and the region is very good at providing good homebirth cover there have also been instances of women being told to come into hospital as there’s not enough cover.  While I know that I can fight this when the time comes, I feel that fighting’s not the best thing to be doing while in labour.