That Innocent Little Bounty Pack...

In the UK when pregnant, your midwife/GP/relevant Health Professional will usually give you the first Bounty Pack.   There are five in total:

• Pregnancy Information Folder
• Mum To Be
• Mum's Pack
• Newborn Pack
• Family Pack

Basically you are given or collect five different carrier bags full of "stuff".

A Bounty Pack - image shared by a mum on Facebook

The "stuff" varies regionally, some mums seem to get lots of items whilst others only one or two.  A tiny tub of Sudocrem, a disposable nappy and a washing tablet seems to be pretty standard - some have had mini cans of caffeine free coke or sample of toiletries.  Discount/money off coupons/samples for everything from follow on milk and weaning foods, to fabric softeners and antibacterial spray.  Leaflets and publications such as "Emma's diary" are enclosed and then lots more advertising  - one mum noted adverts to send off for stuffed toys from both Aptamil & Cow & Gate.

Bounty's site reads:

"Embarking on parenthood is a bit like being expected to find your way in a jungle with no map and no guide.
Wonderful, yes. exhilarating, life changing, enriching; no doubt. But boy can it be challenging. It’s bewildering, exhausting and scary at times too.
When any family sets off on this incredible journey, Bounty’s there, guiding the way.
We support families in the transition to parenthood, through each key life stage, from pregnancy to birth to toddler to pre-school. We aim to be the first place new mums turn to for advice, help, reassurance and information. We also welcome them into an online community where they can share problems, worries, tips and achievements with a support network of mums who are going through the same thing.
As well as providing new mums with the timely advice and expert knowledge new mums need, we introduce carefully chosen products and services to mum that we know, as parents, can be invaluable through the different key stages. Every mum that registers with us is eligible to receive a total of five Bounty packs; filled with free samples, money-off vouchers and useful information, plus three free guides offering practical, up-to-date information, advice and guidance from pregnancy and beyond."

And there's lots of information about charitable giving and so on.

But what many forget is that in exchange for a few pounds worth of product samples and leaflets/information of varying quality - you're giving them all your personal details.  Details that are more valuable than you might think.

Let's see what website http://www.starmedical.co.uk says about Bounty:

"Bounty is one of the largest advertising and communications companies in the world. For nearly 50 years they have been providing direct marketing and support services to major pharmaceutical companies and other services that target parents of young children.
The company was founded in 1959, based in London and had 6 employees. They now employ 590 people and distribute 3.4 million bounty packs every year.
Bounty works closely with the NHS, with Postnatal Bedside Caring Distributors who communicate with new mums and Ward Midwives. This role serves to inform the new mums and also to discreetly collect useful data from them. Bounty Health Network Advisors work with Community Midwives, Health Visitors, Practice and School Nurses."

Perhaps it's just me, but that doesn't seem quite as hearts and flowers as the site for parents?

Why do the NHS allow it?

The usual reason - money.

"Bounty sales reps are given exclusive access to maternity wards by trusts" 

and

"They also try to ask women for their contact details so they can sell them to other companies that provide services for parents, and hand out free packs containing small samples of nappy cream and washing powder, but which also include official Government forms that must be filled in to claim Child Benefit.

Several hospitals and Bounty itself face investigation by the data protection watchdog, the Information Commissioner's Office, for passing on private details of this newspaper's investigation.

Last night parenting experts and patients' campaign groups criticised NHS trusts and the firm for making money from women when they are at their most vulnerable.

Belinda Phipps, chief executive of the National Childbirth Trust, said: "It is absolutely appalling. When you go into a maternity ward to have your baby, you shouldn't be subjected to commercial pressures.

"But the hospitals turn a blind eye to Bounty because otherwise they will have to ask their trusts for more money." 

Bounty, which was sold to Barclays Private Equity in April this year for £54million, has been going for 50 years. 

Almost all hospital trusts have individual contracts with the company and are paid about £1 for each pack given out after birth.

"Bounty ladies", as the firm's staff are known, also visit mothers at their bedside and ask for their addresses and phone numbers, which they then sell on to other firms." From HERE 

Now consider if Bounty pay the hospital £1 - what must your details be worth?  They generate revenue from the companies who put samples, leaflets and coupons in the FIVE packs.  Then consider they distribute 3.4 million bounty packs every year.

Then they can sell your details to generate more profit; one mum on Facebook said:

"Someone on my facebook put on her status that she'd had a phone call from Eon talking about the fact that she's pregnant and had received a pack, she didn't realise Bounty could sell her details (and not just her name and address, but the fact she's pregnant as well)"

Doesn't this mean our NHS is ultimately delivering new mothers in to the hands of a commercial company?  Doesn't the NHS have any obligation to ensure something they endorse is in line with relevant codes and that the information within is always accurate and evidence based?

Given the NHS will NOT give out details of independent breastfeeding groups or services, it seems if money is exchanging hands the rules change....

One mum on Facebook said:

"I declined the Bounty Pack (which surprised the Midwife!). Later on, the sonographer handed me some little card wallets to put my scan pictures in, guess what - sponsored by Bounty! There were so many adverts in the antenatal waiting room too, I don't understand how these companies are allowed to be so ingrained in the system."

Double plus for Bounty is that this means their information also appears Government endorsed - the packs are given out by Health Professionals and Health Establishments, one pack contains a form required to claim child benefit and so on.

Bounty also released a statement according to  http://www.lancashirechildrenstrust.org.uk/:

"Bounty’s statement (October 09) that it will no longer promote weaning foods or
toddler milks from early 2010"

Yet when I ran a quick poll here on the blog - out of 147 mothers that had responded at the time of writing this blog, 53 (36%) said they did receive such marketing in 2010.  More worryingly 61 (41%) replied yes in 2011.  Only 33 (22%) of respondents said they didn't receive any.

This means either a lot of mothers made a mistake, or Bounty continued to supply such marketing materials after early 2010.

Furthermore, whilst Bounty stated they would stop promoting these items - does this mean they will stop selling details to these companies too?  I suspect not....

The document from Lancashire Childrens Trust, summarises the many issues with the NHS being associated with Bounty and is well worth a read.  So I want to move on to the issues parents raised on Facebook.

1.  Insensitivity from Bounty photographers:

"My daughter was badly bruised on her face from the very traumatic birth she had - the Bounty rep selling photos came round the ward and then when she got to me looked at my baby's face and said "Oh you wont be wanting any photos of her for a long time will you" and promptly left. I was very very upset, I should have complained. Disgusting that they allow sales reps for Bounty near very vulnerable ladies :-("

and

"I was in the middle of having an extremely uncomfortable procedure done on day 2 (you really don't want to know the details trust me!) when the Bounty lady came round. My husband who was outside the curtains took my pack on my behalf, but refused to give her my email address. She then tracked me down the next day and stayed in my room until I gave her an email address, I had just had a blood transfusion and was too tired and weak to tell her where to go. In the end I gave her an email address I don't use any more, have just checked email account I gave her and I have received an outstanding 211 bounty emails in 3 months! Madness!"

and

 "Very unimpressed that my husband wasn't supposed to be on the ward with me and our newborn (visiting hours for Dads is 12 noon until 8pm only) and we got a lot of hassle and bullying because he had got in at 7am and wouldn't leave (because I would burst into floods of tears at the mere mention of it) yet the Bounty woman was there handing out packs and taking photos - for sale, of course. How is she allowed to be there and not the father of my baby?!?!"

and

"How annoying! I've just been harassed by a Bounty Pack woman. A bit of background info for you-i'm in hospital on complete bedrest after PROM at 22 weeks. I'm now 24 weeks. Anyway, she came in asking if i'd had a pack. I said i'd had one off my midwife when i had my booking in appointment. She said that i needed the next pack and she needed my details. I said i wasn't interested but she kept going on telling me if i didn't have the pack i wouldn't be able to claim child benefit as i woldn't get the form." 

2.  Getting out of the "Bounty System" once you're in:

Despite the close NHS links, it is the responsibility of the parents to advise Bounty if they no longer wish to receive packs due to miscarriage or stillbirth. At a difficult time this can be the last thing parents remember to do.  Mums on Facebook said:

"I found it very upsetting that bounty still sent me vouchers to get their packs when I lost my baby. You would think they would get the idea when I didn't collect a hospital bag but they still sent me the voucher for it months after our baby had died."

and

"Bounty failed to remove me from their mailing list when I let them know our first baby had died in utero at 17 weeks- which meant I received (amongst other things) a tiny nappy sample through the post a few weeks after we had lost him.  I am not ashamed to admit that wee nappy had me weeping on my knees in the hallway."

and

"I lost my first son 20 weeks into pregnancy and the constant emails and post from Bounty and associated companies almost pushed me over the edge."

Again a problem that doesn't seem new - in a large discussion about Bounty on Mumsnet a few years ago one mum said:

"Bounty still sent me a pack every 3 months or so after my stillbirth and it was pretty upsetting to be honest. Once you are on their list it's virtually impossible to get removed."

3.  Environmental Issues?

I'm not a hardcore green activist but the one thing mums say over and over again when discussing Bounty packs is "I took out the samples and binned the rest".

Just a couple from the many on Facebook/online:

"I didn't mind the bounty packs, got a couple of fairy/persil coupons/samples and binned the rest, along with alot of the leaflets re bf, cosleeping, pnd etc

and

"We were all handed one in the waiting room for one of mu appointments. I kept the comfort pure samples and binned the rest"

and

"A load of stuff that I threw in the bin and some advertising material thinly disguised as 'parenting literature'. Seriously though, I really can't remember as it was all stuff I didn't want to use."

Even if every single person recycles, how much recycling does 3.4 million Bounty packs generate?

There is an alternative!
Blackpool PCT are currently trialling Mama Packs.

Mama Packs are cotton bags [RRP£2] & the United Kingdom's ONLY ethically influenced, trade marked Mum & Baby sample pack.
Mums get better freebies, no advertising bumf and no selling of details to third parties.

If you're pregnant or due to receive packs, I hope this helps you make an informed decision as to whether to sell your details to Bounty.

UPDATE July 2014: Mumsnet found 82% of those surveyed felt it was unacceptable for commercial companies access to patients. Therefore they've campaigning for a ban on Bounty sales reps in postnatal wards. Click here for details.

I'm Going To Try Breastfeeding....

I hear this a lot - and variations of:

"I'm going to give breastfeeding a shot, but if it doesn't work out I'm not going to beat myself up."

"I will give it a try but have bottles and formula just in case."

"We've decided we will give it a try for the 2 weeks partner is on leave, then we've given it a shot and if it's not working swap to bottle when they return to work."

If we believe breastmilk is "best", and formula is "nearly as good" - these statements probably all sound quite reasonable.  

But do we use the same language when discussing something we do consider important, or for situations where we expect a positive outcome?

Let's try - learning to drive:

"I'm going to give driving a shot, but if it doesn't work out I'm not going to beat myself up if I have to take the bus"

"I will give driving a try, but have bought a bus pass just in case"

"We've decided we will give driving a try for the 2 weeks partner is on leave, then we've given it a shot and if it's not working swap to the bus when they return to work."

Hmmmm I don't hear that as much...

Let's try some other scenarios.

"I'm going to give the new job a shot, but if it doesn't work out I'm not going to beat myself up if I have to resign."

"We've decided we will give a healthier diet a try for the 2 weeks partner is on leave, then we've given it a shot and if it's not working swap to ready meals. We plan to only half heat these because the official preparation guidelines on the packet are ridiculously time consuming. (removes tongue from cheek)

"We will give conceiving naturally a try, but have booked an appointment for fertility treatment just in case"

The latter may sound ridiculous - yet realistically the number of women who physically can't breastfeed with the right support is probably smaller than the amount of couples who need some sort of fertility support (I appreciate in the UK many don't get the help they need to succeeed!)

Now let's flip mindset from "alternatives nearly as good", to "breastmilk is normal".  Formula isn't vaguely comparable (hence why they are genetically modifying cows to produce milk more like breastmilk.).  It lacks thousands of constituents and is ultimately the milk of another species modified so humans can even tolerate it.  There is a distinct lack of studies demonstrating its safety - with results varying from a small to significant increase in numerous conditions and diseases.  Nobody can know ultimately the total long term effect on the body of not receiving growth factors, hormones, antibodies, stem cells, HAMLET, and everything else that is missing - but the information we do have shows that it does impact, even if at this point in time we struggle to accurately measure the totality.  No matter how much we would like to present infant feeding as almost comparable "choices", this is the reality.

Suddenly the above statements don't make as much sense.  

Of course breastfeeding doesn't work for some mothers, whether that's down to ineffective support or otherwise - just like some will need support to conceive.  Nobody is suggesting anyone should "beat themselves up" - I understand that poor support can result in a traumatic time for mums and that a prior experience can leave someone nervous.

I'm not even talking about trying to convince mothers who don't want to do it to do so - purely those who have decided they want to breastfeed.

But a mental shift has to take place, moving from "I will try to breastfeed", to "I plan to breastfeed".  To assume one will be able to until something suggests otherwise, rather than "Most women can't do it, so I will give it a pop but won't hold my breath".

Furthermore why buy an alternative "just in case" - the shops are still open after a baby is born, and parents can feel more tempted to use something sat there, so it doesn't go to waste...

Instead there are lots more productive things parents could do to be as informed as possible.  Some spend hours choosing car seats, cots, and discussing the best equipment for their baby, whilst often barely giving a cursory nod to feeding - the very cornerstone of lifelong health.

What comes first - the health system providing the care new mothers require, or women who are determined they want to breastfeed, complaining and stamping their feet if nobody is helping resolve their problems?

The irony is that those who are working tirelessly to provoke change, supporting mothers where the NHS fails - often in a voluntary role without even expenses paid; are not supported by the women that were let down, but attacked as the "Breastapo".  What a fantastic market that you only get customers if they stop breastfeeding, and then although you as a company may be key in the reason why these mothers failed - they then defend your product. Genius.


Before I get called "Judgy" or "Militant",  let me add that with my first child I was one of those mothers who said they would "give it a try" and who bought formula "just in case".   I was naive enough to think a lot of women simply couldn't breastfeed, and that formula was nowadays nearly as good - had I had a different support system I could easily have been "booby trapped."

But think about it logically and as Gabrielle Palmer highlights in the Politics of Breastfeeding - why in such rich medically advanced countries, do we have so few women who can seemingly breastfeed?

Are we broken?

Perhaps mentally and sociologically - but as mammals, we work as well as ever.  Believe that, and you're half way there....

Message For Expectant/New Parents.

Impending parenthood provokes a different response in each of us, and often a combination of emotions: anxiety, sheer panic, confidence, uncertainty, excitement, happiness to name just a few.  Our expectations of what's to come, and what is "best",  are naturally based on what we experience around us.  Those who already have babies such as family and friends, mixed with our own life experiences, memories of siblings or early life.  For many, smaller families may mean fewer memories of siblings as young babies, and it can be rather like wandering into the dark unknown.  Even those with lots of young baby practice, may not have lots of newborn 24/7 experience.

Instead as well as looking to those close to us, we often turn to books, magazines, websites and health professionals - who all seemingly have different opinions, but who nonetheless may plant new little seeds of expectation.

Before baby arrives it's common to believe your baby will be the happiest baby around; you will change their nappy when it's soiled, feed them when hungry, provide a nice bed for sleep times and so your baby wont need to cry, his needs will be met.  You and perhaps a partner snuggled on the sofa, baby sleeping quietly in the basket next to you.  Sure you know babies need feeding at night, but you will have him there right next to you so you can tend to him quickly, fill his little tum before slumber re-ensues.

And for some this may be true.

The reality?  Many are not like this, especially in the early weeks - and even then it may require veering from "biological norms" (eg feeding method, sleep training, pacifiers etc) to achieve these expectations based on "society's current perception of the norm".

The one thing I hear over and over from new parents is they had no idea just how hard it would be, why didn't anyone spell out just how challenging being a new parent can be - so for all those parents this blog entry is for you.

Being a parent of a newborn baby can be really, really, insanity inducingly HARD.

No really, harder than that.

From the moment that precious new bundle is placed in your arms, life will never be the same again.  It now, at least for a while, revolves around this dinky new being, who co-incidentally didn't read any books, nor pay heed at classes - so doesn't understand any related expectations.

You feed them, change their nappy, wind them, check they're not too hot or cold - yet still they may cry! The comfy bed you lovingly prepared might as well be covered in 9" nails, as they flail and wail every time you try and gently lower them in.  Instead of snuggled on the sofa, you are taking it in turns to pace and jiggle the baby, before one of you tries to eat one handed so the other can have a powernap before shift change.

And the nights, who knew they could be so long?  Even when you have everything "perfect" still baby squirms, grunts and wants to feed again; how can this be when it was only two hours since we just did all this?

"What do you want from me?" one mum confessed she had asked her baby at 3am after a rather rough night  - desperate to sleep, yet desperately trying to stay awake whilst feeding.  Whilst everyone had warned her not to bedshare, nobody had mentioned falling asleep upright or on a sofa was more risky, nor that baby naturally may want to feed quite frequently and having to sit up and do this every time was shattering, which made staying awake sitting up nearly impossible.  Nobody had even asked if mum knew she could breastfeed laying down.  I don't know what else she could want?  What do I do?

One mum recently described the sleep deprivation as akin to mind altering drugs, that she dreamt (metaphorically) of a night of unbroken sleep, that she had never realised it would be so hard.

The only point I want to stress more than just how hard having a newborn can be (did I say that already?) is that it is nothing you as parents are doing wrong, let me repeat that a little louder: it is nothing you as parents are doing wrong.

It can be easy to feel that you are the only parent who has an unsettled baby.  That given the books didn't describe this, it can't be common - because if you meet every need baby is settled, right?  But that's simply not true.  Some babies take a little longer than others to transition to life "Earth side" - even.  If you've had a long birth, a long pushing stage, a speedy or difficult delivery - so did they.  Some may be a little uncomfortable or windy,  and don't forget nobody gave them the books.  This piece talks about what a normal newborn expects, then compare that to what most parents in current society typically have in mind..  Whilst I don't feel long spells of crying should be just accepted as "colic", and it's always worth seeking help to explore why baby is crying if you're concerned - the point is that it isn't because you've held them too much/not put them in a routine early enough, not ignored their cries etc

The question also has to be - are your expectations realistic? If not adapting  your expectations, can be a whole lot easier than trying to change those of a newborn - and given you have the cognitive ability to adapt, would also seem to be the fairer option.  Expectations can play a part in how you perceive your baby's behaviour.

Example
Parents A & B expect their baby to wake and feed frequently day and night, understand their baby had no concept of time in the womb, and is used to receiving nourishment from an umbilical cord, rather than at spaced intervals via a breast or bottle.  They know breastmilk changes composition so that at night it includes more "sleepy hormones" and helps to create circadian rhythms (sleep patterns).

"RESULTS: The tryptophan in the breast milk presented a circadian rhythm with acrophase at around 03:00. This affected the 6-sulfatoxymelatonin circadian rhythm with acrophase at 06:00 in the breast-fed infants, and also promoted nocturnal sleep. Assumed sleep, actual sleep, and sleep efficiency were significantly increased in the breast fed infants with respect the formula fed infants."

http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/16380706 

They heard that after a feed baby has a high level of something called CCK, and they know this tells him he’s full; but also that the level drops again after another 10 or 20 minutes post feed, so he thinks he’s hungry again -  and that he may go through this loop several times, usually in the evening, commonly known as “cluster feeding,” before dropping into a solid, longer sleep stretch.

They've been told how to check output and signs baby is transferring milk well - so they can identify normal from a "needs more help" situation - and they've been shown how to recognise baby's earliest cues of hunger, so there's time to work on getting baby to the breast and comfortable before she becomes really hungry and frantic!

In the evening dad/partner (if applicable) hops in the bath for some skin to skin time with baby, and mum builds a nest of pillows, snacks, books, drinks, music/TV remote as desired, ready to settle down for a longer feeding session.

A & B have also been told it's normal for a newborn to want lots of contact and cuddles from parents, when transitioning from a place with constant movement, sounds and security - familiar voices, smells, touch helps ease this.  They've read about the theory of the fourth trimester, and it makes sense to them.

To make this work for all of them, they have a wrap which holds baby to them hands free, which they've found also helps if baby is a little windy or unsettled - on really tough days they head off out for a walk with it.  They've discovered it's fab for holding the baby when they want to eat, even if at times this means eating whilst wiggling to settle baby, or taking turns wearing baby in the wrap whilst the other eats.

Image  soulmothering.blogspot.com

Baby sleeps next to mum, bedsharing safely or perhaps a cot attached to the bed.  This means when baby wakes nobody has to sit up, get up or try and keep themselves awake - but can either just feed, or slide baby over (still without getting up) then feed laying down.  They've realised the beauty of this is that there is no "lowering down" - which triggers a baby's startle reflex and wakes them up, and that with practice sometimes this can be done with all barely rousing.

Although baby wakes every few hours as expected, mum doesn't feel completely exhausted as when she does sleep she hits more restful sleep levels due to having her baby right next to her.  If people offer to help the parents gladly accept offers of practical help, perhaps some meals cooked for them or an ironing pile tackled!

-----------

In contrast parents X&Y picked up a very different set of books when shopping.   They expect that baby will slot around them, that they need to do so early to learn to settle themselves and become independent - quickly developing a reliable pattern.

They feed the baby and then place her in the crib, ready to sit and enjoy a meal together.  No sooner is the food on the plate than baby wakes and also wants feeding, two hours earlier than expected. After a nappy change they gently place baby in her Moses basket - but she squirms and wakes, like a Jack in the Box every time she's placed back down.  When baby wants to cluster feed from 7-10pm, the parents are tired and confused, why is she wanting to feed so frequently?  On the one hand they reason, she can't be hungry as she only fed 45 minutes ago, so at first they try dancing, jiggling and rocking to help baby sleep.  But when baby continues to cry for a feed,  the doubts can start; she must be hungry? What if mum isn't producing enough milk, that must be the case because the book says she should only feed every 3-4 hours? Is it wind? Colic?  How do we work out what's wrong?   What if she isn't taking enough?  You can't see with a breast to check...

During the night, baby sleeps in a separate crib - when she wakes frequently someone has to sit up, retrieve and feed her(staying awake) before putting her back in the basket.  As mum tentatively gets back bed, baby cries again - trapped burp this time.  After a few minutes wandering round the bedroom baby settles but as mum places her down she startles and cries again.  More pacing ensues and dad takes over for a turn.  He manages to get baby into the basket, by swaddling to mask her reflexes and gets back into bed, but by now everyone is wide awake.  Just as the parents start to fall asleep - you guessed it baby wakes again.  After another 20 minutes trying to get baby into the basket, she's used enough energy that she's ready for feeding again thank you.

The next evening events repeat, and then a few more after that - the parents become more dismayed that baby wakes every time food is served, and they feel resentful they've not managed to have a meal alone together since she arrived.  They expected something very different.

They decide if they can get baby to wait four hours for her feed, this will stop the habit of frequent feeding, and encourage the routine of long sleeps with infrequent waking they read about - and so introduce a pacifier which at least gives them chance to eat that meal.  Over the next few days baby becomes more unsettled, wants to feed more frequently - and mum becomes more convinced there is an issue with her milk supply.  The forums mum goes on related to the books she bought, only compound her feelings - parents are congratulated with a "Great Parenting!!" when someone declares their baby has slept a 9-12 hour plus stretch; which of course infers you're clearly not a great parent if you're baby isn't doing the same.

Partner looks at the exhausted mum and says something has to give, they cannot continue as they are - they need sleep and "me time".

When help is offered, the parents encourage family to hold the baby whilst they complete household tasks, trying to keep the house tidy for visitors as though a baby hasn't landed and thrown chaos where there was previously order.
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OK so these are extremes, reality is more often various hues of grey - but you can see how mentally parents X & Y have a much harder time than the first set of parents when baby arrived.  It can be at times hard to pick "instinct" apart from "social expectations" - ie is the instinct founded on something we already fundamentally believe to be true and thus expect or is there really an issue.  It's always worth remembering that a baby simply does not have sufficient neurological pathways developed to manipulate, control, plan or "scheme" - meeting the needs of an infant leads to long term security compared to the potentially negative implications of trying to train behaviour to suit. Babies don't even develop mature sleep rhythms until the they're several months old, they're not developing habits at the newborn stage, they're purely focussed on survival!

Even with the most realistic expectation, some babies will still be much more intense than others - parents can still be exhausted and overwhelmed.  Ditch anything non essential and go wit the flow.  Some babies may just need time, others may have an underlying issue they need understanding to help resolve - either way, I hope knowing it is normal and you're not alone or at fault may help, even just a little bit.

Emma's Pregnancy Diary - Armadillo Style

When the lovely Emma (who helps as an admin on Facebook) rang me to share some news, I thought it would make perfect blog fodder to share with you all.  Ever modest Emma wasn't sure people would want to read her story, but after a little harrasement asking nicely, she kindly agreed <grin>.


Whilst we see lots of journals shared by first time mums, I thought hearing from a mum of two planning her third addition might be of interest to those who already have children and perhaps are thinking about more! :D

Over to Emma:

I'M PREGNANT....Well, it’s a good start. That was the plan. We’ve been “trying” for quite a few months, but as my periods haven’t started since the birth of son #2 and I’d had no signs of ovulation so I didn’t think that we were going to get anywhere fast.

The Armadillo is chuckling heartily at this point, because I recently rang her recently to discuss my nursing son’s fussy behaviour and tiredness. When she asked if pregnancy was a possibility, I assured her it wasn’t – because of course, I was sure it wasn’t.

Quite how I came to find out I was pregnant is another story in itself - so here’s what happened.

Given that I knew quite clearly I could conceive on my first ovulation, I was looking out for signs of egg laying (fluids, cervix position and Mittelschmerz, I wasn’t bothering with temperatures). I pride myself on being pretty switched on with this stuff; Which as they say, comes before a fall!

So I didn’t notice any signs of ovulation, and was assuming that they were still suppressed by son #2’s breastfeeding. I’d been chatting to my breastfeeding counsellor about ways to trigger ovulation, and we were aiming for a 5 hour gap within each 24 hour period as for some women this is enough to get things going.

However, given, I thought, that I may just miss that I’d ovulated, and given that I might just conceive on that first cycle, I thought I’d be very smart and be one step ahead of myself. So I ordered 20 cheapy ebay tests for about £2 so that I could take one test every 2 weeks, thus knowing for sure when I wasn’t pregnant, so I would then know how far on I was when I did get pregnant.

They duly arrived and I quickly did one, just to get a job out of the way, and nearly passed out with shock when the pink line appeared. It’s a good thing that I bought 20, as I used the next 10 straight away (well, you never know). It’s a good thing that hubby works from home so I was able to go straight up and tell him. That put a grin on his face.

So the next question is – how pregnant am I?

I’ve been really, really tired for about three weeks now and just not managing to keep up with my normal “stuff”. So, I’m guessing 7-8 weeks would be about right. I’ve obviously conceived on my first ovulation post delivery, which is great, which would make it about 13 months without periods. Good old breastfeeding.

Now to see if I’m right…


24th October

I’ve booked in with the midwife this Friday. I’ve actually moved surgeries to do so! I am a peer supporter and one group that I sometimes cover has a midwife drop-in at the same time. The midwife is really pro home birth, and a few months ago was running a big fun day at the local Children’s Centre to raise money for homebirth pools. I was very happy to be able to help, running a stand for our local NCT group. A friend made an amazing cake with a waterbirthing mum and baby on top! That went into the raffle and was very much admired including by one small boy (not mine!!) who decided to try to have a taste. It was a good day. I liked the midwife so much that I decided to find out which surgery she was at, so this afternoon saw me filling in new patient forms for me, Son #1 and Son #2 (hubby is sticking with his GP, thank you very much).

The receptionist asked me how pregnant I was and I was very embarrassed to say that I had no idea, but I guessed 7-8 weeks. Hopefully my midwife will be able to give me a better idea!

UPDATE TWO

28th October
Midwife booking appointment - she was as lovely as expected and delighted to take me on as a homebirth booking. We had a good chat about my last two births and how things didn’t go as planned, and why I was so determined to home birth this time. She explained about the Trust’s obligations to provide a home birthing midwife and how to be firm on the day should it be necessary.

We discussed some of my really big concerns, such as the PPH (post partum haemorrhage) that I’d had last time and how she would handle it and was extremely reassuring. In both my last deliveries I’ve aimed for an unmanaged third stage. With Son #1 they got very jittery and scared me after an hour had passed, and persuaded me into the injection. With Son #2 they were very encouraging and supportive, and all was fine, but then I did start to lose blood which was rather worrying for everyone and I ended up very weak after birth and anaemic for some months afterwards. It was all fine, but I think a bit less messing around with me and a bit more letting me get on with it would have ensured the contractions would have racked back up more quickly and limited the blood loss.

So after all of this, out came the pregnancy wheel and she asked me when my last period was. I don’t think that “2009” was helpful! So she then asked me if I’d any idea of my dates and I had to make a full confession: not only did I not know how pregnant I was, I’d not actually thought I was pregnant when I took the test!

Once we’d established that I for one couldn't help with dates, I popped up onto the couch and she had a rummage around.

Shock number two – she estimates 12-14 weeks. Aarrgghh!

31st October
Emergency scan at a private scanning clinic as the NHS can’t offer me a scan for another 2 weeks. We want the nuchal scan (Down’s Syndrome test) and if I’m really that far on then that might be too late for the nuchal. Despite been here twice before with Sons #1 and #2 it didn’t make it any easier. In a sense we didn’t really know why we were doing it because if it came up as high risk, what then? It’s not a diagnostic scan, just a screening giving a risk, not an answer. We really don’t want to have an amniocentesis with the risk of miscarriage. I think we’re both burying our heads in the sand a bit and hoping for the best.

On the other hand it all seems a bit silly, because there are so very many ways in which a baby may have problems, so why a low risk result would be reassuring I don’t know! Still, it was wonderful to see that the pink pregnancy test line had magically morphed into a cute little baby shape, complete with heartbeat and nasal bone (which apparently is a good thing on the Down’s test). Baby measures at 14 weeks! It seems to get longer every time! I have a blood test taken to get the most accurate screening results which we’ll get in a few days.

We drive home armed with lots of fuzzy piccies of a rather skeletal looking baby and memories of the sound of the heart beat, hugely happy and excited and just ever so slightly embarrassed. Or I am, at least. Hubby really can’t believe that I’m over 3 months pregnant and didn’t know. So much for me being “in tune” with my body. Much ribbing was undertaken.

3rd November
Flu jab. I’d been told in no uncertain terms that contracting flu could be quite dangerous for a pregnant lady so after some research I decided to go for it. I’ve never had one before so was hoping I wouldn’t have a reaction to it. Everyone seemed to be really pushing it at the surgery and saying that it was totally safe, etc etc, until I actually got to the nurse who did the jab who then proceeded to tell me that it was untested in pregnant women (because it’s unethical – but apparently quite ethical to just dole them out), we don’t know if it’s safe for the baby, blah blah. I made some comment about how it’s been around for a while now and we’d have heard about any significant problems to which she replied, “well we’d hope so” which didn’t fill me with confidence! I asked if my having the vaccination would pass any immunity onto Son #2 through my milk, which she didn’t know but she did then pull out all her documents to see if it was safe for lactating women (which it is, apparently. Either that, or untested!). Nice that she didn’t bat an eyelid that I am breastfeeding a toddler (who was with me causing havoc and destruction as is his norm).

4th November
UK Association for Milk Banking Trustees meeting today. We’re planning some awareness campaigns including one in May so I fessed up to the fact that I was likely to be busy on or around the 1st May. A fellow trustee with 3 children made it clear that I was totally nuts by joining the club J. Ah well, at least we know it’s not twins.

And we got the results from the nuchal scan! Excellent result – risk of 1:21,000 compared to my age-related risk of 1:175. It is a relief and yet I can’t help but wonder why. There are so many disabilities out there, so why did we put so much score on just one? And then there was the awful question of what would we do if the risk factor came back as a high risk? This is a screening test, not a diagnostic test. Would we then risk the diagnostic test with a miscarriage rate of between 1:100 and 1:200? And let’s say we did that, and it came back as positive for Downs. Then what would we do?

 
These questions, in one form or another, are questions that most pregnant mums or couples will need to work through, even if it’s only to decide that they’ll have no screening at all. For us, we chose to bury our head in the sand and wait for the screening results, feeling that there was no point in trying to resolve the “next step” questions unless necessary.

I feel very lucky in many ways that we have reached this point in this pregnancy without having the weeks of anticipation. I think one of the hardest things is finding people to discuss it with because of the high levels of emotions involved with all “options”. We can now close this door and move on – at least until the 20 week scan. But many people can’t, and that’s tough to think about.

I wish that a more open discussion about the euphemistic “options” was possible. I don’t think that anyone can imagine themselves being the parent of a child with a serious disability, but the idea of aborting one’s child is also abhorrent. For some it would never be an option and for others it would be the only choice. Emotions, quite rightly, run so strongly on both sides that to even think about mentioning it risks deep distress – and yet not talking about it leaves mums approaching screening in a state of confusion and worry. This is why I have written this post. I don’t have any answers but I know I’m not alone in wishing that there were some.


UPDATE THREE

7^th November
I took Son #2 for a cranial osteopathy session today.  He goes every 4-6 months after this was recommended by Milk Matters.  It seems that babies who are born with tongue tie are more prone to having cranial tension, and Son #2 had the additional problem that my waters had broken 5 days before he was born so without the cushioning effect in utero he got a bit more squashed than he might have been.  He was actually a “C” shape when he was born – I called him my little comma!  It took him a week or so to straighten out but there was definitely tension left in his little head.  The work now, though, is to ensure that as he grows the normal tension from just living and getting bigger is released a couple of times a year.  He’s got a high arch palate (related to the tongue tie) and these few things together mean that going just every so often seems to help. 


Afterwards he slept for 4 hours in the afternoon, then went to bed at his normal time and slept brilliantly overnight so clearly something positive happened!

24th & 25th November 
Could it get any better? I’ve just spent 2 days at UNICEF’s Baby Friendly conference in Liverpool That’s right – 2 days talking breastfeeding and child development!  Absolutely fantastic.  I travelled over with a friend who is a Breastfeeding Counsellor and we stayed overnight which was a bit scary as it’s the first time I’ve been away from Son #2 for that long.  I was planning on getting the first full night’s sleep for 2 years, only it was far more interesting chatting to my friend!  We eventually stopped nattering at 1pm.  But it was worth it.

The conference was fab.  There were some amazing speakers, perhaps most notably two speakers discussing the ways that babies’ brains develop and how they learn to love and have solid, positive relationships from before birth to just 6 months into their lives.  It’s a case of “use it or lose it” with the human brain, and if they don’t receive that love and care then it’s much harder for them to learn to give it.

Much guilt all round as each of us sat there and remembered our not-so-positive mummy moments, but of course there are extremes in all this and really what we are talking about is proper neglect and its life-long impact on a person.

Most tragic was the brain scans that were shown of babies born into a healthy, loving family and babies who were raised in those horrific Romanian orphanages.  It clearly showed the differences between the development of the babies born into the loving families and the virtual absence of certain areas of the brain for those who went through the most severe neglect.

More chirpy talks came from a lady from the US who was discussing the studies that she’s done in her hospital’s NICU into the ways that a mother’s own breastmilk makes a highly significant difference to the outcome of a premature baby compared to babies fed artificial milks.  She went into the science of how this works, from colostrum to mature milk, and how formula disrupts this process.  She works in an area with dreadfully low breastfeeding rates and they have achieved an initiation rate of 95% which is incredible!  They have paid peer supporters – including a fella – who work with the parents to talk through their mutual experiences and to encourage them to see their milk as medicine for their precious babies.  They do weekly discussion and support groups where they introduce specific topics so parents can not only go through things that are concerning them, but they’re learning about the science as well.

Sadly the rates of breastfeeding after the babies are well enough to leave the hospital aren’t so good due to the cultural pressures put onto these women.  However many of them leave with months of expressed milk so their babies can at least continue to be fed breast milk for quite some time.

One disappointing talk was by one of the founders of the website “Mumsnet”.  The topic was “What Mothers are Talking About” but a great deal of time was spent talking about Mumsnet as a company, and very few slides were dedicated to actual discussions from the site.  This was a shame as I feel that Mumsnet discussions are a great way for Health Care Professionals to see what’s being said from “the other side”.  She greatly emphasised Mumsnet’s support of the Nestle Boycott and their decision not to allow formula advertising but at the end of the talk she was asked why in that case their logo featured a woman holding a baby’s bottle.  She replied that it was filled with expressed milk which, to say the least, was not well received as an answer…

It was very exciting to meet two fabulous people at the conference – Mike Brady of Baby Milk Action and Gabrielle Palmer, author of the wonderful “The Politics of Breastfeeding” and the essential “ComplimentaryFeeding”.

On a personal note, I’d taken my pump with me in case I needed it, only I found I’d missed a critical part.  I’ve never been good at hand expressing so was a bit concerned, but in fact I was fine and didn't get too full.  By the time I got home late on the Friday night I was definitely ready to feed him, but he was also very happy to me my boobs so all was well!  Apparently he’d been signing “milk” at nursery in a rather sad way all day, but otherwise had been fine.  I was glad to be back together with him, his brother and my lovely husband though.  Getting a break was great, and coming back was even better! 

One final note to the conference, I did see a few people there who have helped me on my breastfeeding journey with son #2 and I did wonder how many people go to a conference and see 4 different people who have seen their boobs!

7^TH December

We’ve had a tough few days and I’m exhausted.  Son #2 has been unwell following the over consumption of oak milk (if allowed to he will drink gallons of it and he did a play-off between hubby and me where neither of us realised we were both filling up his cup”).

Following my night away at the conference we decided that we were going to have another go at night weaning him.  He’s 18 months and clearly doesn’t need the food, as he usually just has a quick suckle and he’s sleeping again.  Problem is that I’m getting pretty tired even though I’m only halfway through this pregnancy, and I’d like to see if him not getting a boob will encourage him to not bother looking for it if he wakes, and go back off on his own.

We’ve tried it before and he’s got upset so we’ve just let it go (neither of us being really bothered about it) and this time it seemed to be working well.  We had a cup of water for him in case he was thirsty and he did sometimes have a sip of that and settled straight back to sleep.

But, it’s all gone pear shaped since he’s been unwell, even though it was only one night of a poorly tummy.  Since then he’s been not only waking frequently from about midnight onwards but absolutely refusing to sleep again (even when given a boob) and I’m on my knees right now.

On a positive note I’m feeling lovely baby movements which I am really enjoying.  S/he’s doing little rolls and some quite solid kicks from time to time, and my favourite me-and-baby time is when I’ve just snuggled into bed next to a sleeping son #2 (hubby is currently consigned to the spare room with his snorey-coldey head) and I lie there in the darkness just tuning into my baby’s play.  I am so loving being pregnant and with this being the last time (or at least the last planned time!) I want to try to make the most of it.

I’m looking forward to a call from our region’s Independent Midwife tonight.  Hubby and I have decided that we are really nervous about trusting our homebirth to the NHS.  While our midwife is passionately supportive of homebirth, and the region is very good at providing good homebirth cover there have also been instances of women being told to come into hospital as there’s not enough cover.  While I know that I can fight this when the time comes, I feel that fighting’s not the best thing to be doing while in labour.

UPDATE FOUR

12th December

20 week scan!  It’s a bit scary going to these scans when the point of them is to check on the health of the baby, and I’m always a bit nervous about what they might find.  Of course at the same time it’s just so exciting to have the chance to see him or her!  Sneak previews are ace.


I made it very clear that “we” didn’t want to know the sex when we went into the scanning room, but then had to clarify that it was actually that I didn’t want to – poor hubby rather did!  But he went with it anyway, and didn’t look until she’d finished doing all the important checking of everything stuff and was able to give us a peek while keeping away from sensitive areas…  We got a beautiful photo where the little face is really clear.  All seems well from what they can tell, and the placenta is in a good location, so that’s all for now.


I was annoyed, though, to see a banner in the entrance which stated “it is dangerous for your baby to sleep in your bed…” especially given that the hospital is working towards Baby Friendly status, and this is absolutely not the guidance that they’re supposed to give.  They can say that the safest place for a baby to sleep is in a cot (etc) your room for the first 6 months but not that it is dangerous to bed share.  In fact, the evidence shows that safe bed-sharing by non-smoking parents who have not taken drugs or alcohol, and with a safe set-up of the bed, can protect against SIDS and it certainly helps to maintain breastfeeding which itself has a protective effect.

I’ve emailed UNICEF/BFI about it.  Will be interesting to see what they think.

13th December

Nights are improving!  Son #2 is taking to night weaning really well again.  He’s sometimes sleeping longer, too, but even when he wakes there’s no crying at all.  He will drop straight off again with a pat and a back rub – in fact probably quicker than on the boob really!  Feeling so much better about life.

19th December

It’s funny, I just don’t seem to have been focusing on this baby as much as I’d like to.  With my other babies I spent a lot more time thinking about them and preparing for them.  It’s partly because it’s not such a novelty, now, being pregnant, and partly because life is so busy with a toddler and young child! 

So I’m really making an effort to connect with the smallest one at least every morning and evening.  I spend time listening in to what s/he’s got to say, to his or her little wriggles and kicks, and thinking about how life will be when s/he arrives.  It’s lovely J

21st December

Breastfeeding is much more comfortable now, although I’m still getting discomfort on one side so I’m going to see someone about it in the New Year.  I think it’s an attachment issue but if not I want to get to the bottom of it before this one arrives.  I’m terrified of going through the pain and agony that we did with his undiagnosed tongue tie.  My milk supply is dramatically reduced by the pregnancy but he’s still loving his boobies.  He’s clearly not getting much from me and he comes off pretty quickly, but he’s asking maybe 4-5 times a day.  I don’t always say yes but sometimes it’s nice to have the excuse to stop and sit down for a few minutes!  I’m not worried about accidentally weaning him by not always letting him feed when he asks (a la “Never Offer, Never Refuse” method) as he seems enthusiastic enough and if he does slow down his asking I will begin to offer more.  We still have our lovely, snugly, early morning snooze feed and he usually feeds to sleep. 

I need to get together with some tandem feeders to work out positions for tandem feeding because he generally feeds in a cradle position, which will get in the way of the smallest.  Another job for the New Year!

But in the meantime, present wrapping.

1st January 2012 

Happy New Year it is then – or certainly a very busy one.  Christmas was quiet, and lovely, with a big kid well into the swing of things and a little kid who just loved the paper, boxes and the Christmas Tree decorations.  A lot.

I have such mixed feeling about handling “Santa” and all the Christmas “stuff”.  I hate trying to force Son #1 to write Christmas thank you cards.  I know he appreciates the gifts but like most children he just doesn’t want to take the time to say so.  I feel awkward about the whole “Santa” thing as we try (and often fail, to be fair) to be honest with him all the time, but to not go with it seems rather unfair too.  I tell myself it’s all a bit of fun, make sure that there’s gifts from us too (don’t want him to get all the credit!!) and just go with it.

It was fun seeing Son #2, at 1 ½, just starting to realise that something special was going on.  It was also the first time that we’ve been around a lot of family since he was tiny (the only seeing people at Wedding, Christenings, Funerals and the odd Christmas effect).  I was surprised that I was slightly uncomfortable about breastfeeding an 18 month old in front of people who didn’t know that I was “still” breastfeeding and who weren’t strangers.  It was fine but it wasn’t something I’d expected.

3^rd January 2012 

“Booking In” appointment at the hospital today.  Following this experience we’ve decided that we are absolutely, without question going down the route of hiring an Independent Midwife.

Although the midwife that I saw was really lovely, I’ve come away with “high risk” highlighted on my notes.  Why?  Because:

a)      Last time my waters broke at 36 weeks, and

b)      I had a PPH after the birth of Son #2 which was marked on my notes as 500Mls (not technically a PPH) but was in fact a lot more of this (judged by my doula (mum), a retired midwife herself and the fact that I was nearly given a blood transfusion a few days after birth).

This means that if I transferred to hospital, or indeed planned a hospital birth, I’d automatically be pushed to have continuous foetal monitoring, no waterbirth, a managed third stage, probably augmentation of labour if I didn’t progress “fast” enough (which is unlikely as my labours are fast).  I’m under “shared care” which means that I’m under a consultant as well as a midwife.  Now this is all very well, and I appreciate that the NHS wants me and the baby to be healthy and well, but this just is not the way to go about it.

My waters breaking early before does not make me high risk per se.  If they break early again then the risk is to be dealt with at the time.

The PPH was clearly caused by a combination of the following factors:

• I chose a physiological third stage.  This means that I didn’t want the artificial hormone to release the placenta which is given by injection to most women just after birth.  This then requires the uterus to continue to contract naturally which after a straightforward and non-augmented labour should be fine, but the Oxytocin levels need to be maintained after birth for this to work well.  This means keeping mum warm (very important), comfortable, relaxed and secure.  Not, as I was, pulled out of the birth pool, dripping wet, cold, naked and vulnerable which interfered with my body’s ability to contract and deliver the placenta.
• With a managed third stage the injection is given and then it is important to ensure the fast removal of the placenta to avoid it being trapped.  Certain interventions can happen at this stage including various bits of messing around with the uterus externally and sometimes even pulling on the cord.  It is very, very important to not do this as a matter of course with a physiological third stage but unfortunately in the hospital environment many midwives don’t understand this, and assume that a physiological third stage just means not having the injection, and getting on with everything else.  It is likely that the messing around that was done to me triggered excessive bleeding.

None of this makes me high risk next time round as long as my birth attendants ensure that my third stage is treated with the respect it deserves.

I found the book by AIMS (Association for the Improvement in Maternity Services), “Birthing Your Placenta - The Third Stage” to be extremely helpful in my understanding of what is likely to have happened to me, and what I can do to avoid it in the future.

January 18^th 2012 

Trustees meeting for UKAMB (UK Association for Milk Banking) today which was, as always, very interesting.  I’m a trustee of this brilliant charity and currently working with a wonderful volunteer web designer to create a new website.  I donated milk with Son #2 and I’m so glad that I did.  He had an undiagnosed tongue tie which was only found by Milk Matters when he was 6 months old.  I’d had a really tough time breastfeeding him as it was always painful, never a nice experience, at least for me (he is a major boob monster so I’m assuming he likes it!).  It was such a relief when Charlotte spotted his tongue and lip tie and the high arch palate which so often goes with it.  Because of the tongue tie he had to work extra hard to get milk which explained his ultra-long nursing sessions, but unlike some mothers in my situation whose milk production can be affected by inefficient milk removal, I’ve always had a strong milk supply.  It is likely that my daily expressing for the milk bank was enough additional stimulation to ensure a robust level of production.  Kind of a karma thing, I like to think!

January 19^th 2012 

I’m about 25 weeks pregnant now so certainly over halfway.  I really have mixed feelings at this stage about that.  I’m so determined to really enjoy this, my final pregnancy (or at least that’s the plan!).  I want to remember every moment of feeling my little baby growing and wriggling.  I’m getting bigger, just starting to feel a bit uncomfortable, and a bit fed up of peeing at night but on the whole it’s just lovely! 

At the same time I just feel nervous about the idea of my waters breaking early again and want to get to term as soon as possible so that I know my baby’s ok.  That was the trigger for a week of horrible stress and worry, with lots of pressure from the hospital to go in for induction but a real frustration that there was no information at all given about the risks of induction, or indeed the size of the risk of not being induced and the potential for infection.

We spent 5 days in front of the computer, going from no knowledge about PROM (prolonged rupture of membranes) to knowing an awful lot about it!  We ended up with a great consultant who was very happy to talk through what we were learning but despite him being the senior consultant in the region it seemed that he had huge gaps in his knowledge!

For instance, he told us that being induced was the same as natural labour because the same muscles were being used, so it was no more painful.  I pointed out that in spontaneous labour the body is also flooded with endorphins which counter the experience of pain, and it’s not the actual level of pain that is important, it’s the perception of that level of pain.  He did concede this but I wonder how many other mums have been given this incorrect view of induction?  We discussed the risks of induction such as an increased risk of C-Section, or instrumental delivery (which are very high), versus the risks of waiting for spontaneous labour in the absence of any sign of infection (which increases the risk of extremely serious, possibly deadly infection to the baby but the risk of this happening in any case is absolutely miniscule).  None of these things were offered for discussion; everything was brought up by us. 

He also had no knowledge of the risks to the baby’s gut of IV antibiotics in labour.  He did not mention at any time the risk to the life of the mother from anaphylactic shock, and that the number of women who die from prophylactic and almost certainly unnecessary IV antibiotics in labour is not hugely different to the number of babies who die following delivery when an infection is present.  He did not mention the diverse range of medical opinion over whether, indeed, the antibiotics significantly improve the outlook of babies statistically.  He did not mention the babies who die from infection post birth not from the birth itself but from contracting something completely separate within the hospital but with an bacteria that cannot be treated because the antibiotics given to ward off an infection that may have not been there in the first place have caused resistance in the bacteria that is now making the baby sick.  And he did not know about thrush, and how painful thrush in the milk ducts is, and that antibiotics can make the likelihood of contracting thrush much more likely.

There is no right or wrong choice when something happens such as premature and/or prolonged rupture of membranes, Group B Strep infection (although treated with IV antibiotics in labour) and other “higher” risk factors.  All parents must make their own choice for themselves.   What I find so upsetting is that the information to make these informed choices is just not given.  Waters break and mothers are “on the clock”.  They are told that induction is important “to avoid infection”.  They are not told why, and this, to me, is a travesty. 

24^th January 2012 

I decided to pop along to my NHS midwife to see if I could talk to her about borrowing one of the community birthing pools.  Unfortunately the surgery messed up and while I’d asked for an appointment specifically with the midwife that I’d hoped would be able to be at my birth, it turned out that she was on holiday.  So I saw her colleague – another community midwife who could just as easily be the one on call when my time comes.

I asked her about the birthing pools.  Her reaction?  “You have to speak to ‘M’ about that – she’s the one who is into that home birthing stuff!!”

Thank goodness we’ve signed on with the Independent Midwife.  I knew I was with the right person when we both sat nursing our toddlers at the booking-in appointment!

30^th January 2012 

Peer support update training.  Very useful but I was finding it hard to sit for the whole 2 hours in a low, “comfy” chair and had to switch to a more upright, firm one.  I’m definitely getting bigger!

4^th February 2012 

That’s it, I’m off to buy some maternity clothes!  I am alternating between a lovely, comfy pair of maternity trousers from last time and a seriously tatty pair of jogging bottoms.  I’ve not got enough tops, although finding nursing maternity tops is tough anyway!  We’re going to York to Paul Stride, a nursery shop which sells a really good range of rear facing toddler seats because I want to get ours checked for fit as we’ve bought a new car ready for the new arrival (it’s tough to find one with three proper seats at the back that isn’t an SUV!).  There’s a water park there which we’ll take the boys to, and afterwards I’ll go across to the retail park and do some shopping.  Wish me luck… I hate shopping!

Later…

Well hurrah, success.  Toddler seat was fitted properly (phew), water park was loved by all (note to self, swim more, it feels great to take the weight off the bump) and I’ve bought 2 nursing tops which are really long and cover my bump really well, a nursing tank which can be worn under a normal top but covers my huge belly, and the most comfy pair of maternity trousers ever created.  Nice one Mama and Papas.

Shame the rest of the store was filled with very, very pretty, very, very expensive and almost totally unnecessary “stuff” which shouts “buy me” very loudly.  OK, so most people want a cot.  Some babies never sleep in it, others use them from day one until well into toddlerhood.  We have a cot.  Son #1 slept in his cot from 2 weeks old, in his own room and Son #2 has never slept more than 5 minutes in it (once we managed to pop him in when he was deeply asleep but he almost immediately woke up and screamed blue murder).  Baby number three will join us in our bed and we’ll play it by ear from there – although if they do prefer their own space it will be in the cot next to us, not in their own room.

But is it really necessary to have a cot, all the trimmings, a matching moses basket, matching mobile, soft toys, curtains, floor mat, nappy changing mat, nappy stacker…? 

Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong at all with choosing to buy these things.  It can be such a huge pleasure to go and buy beautiful nursery items and have everything waiting for your baby to come and complete the picture.  But I just wish that it wasn’t seen as necessary.

9^th February 

I covered a breastfeeding group today as the peer supporter.  I get so broody looking at the little babies.  It’s a good job I’m pregnant!  I do really enjoy it but I really do feel that sometimes it’s frustrating when I can’t “fix” everything.  Fortunately we have a brilliant NCT breastfeeding counsellor/IBCLC in our region, and a small team of IBCLC qualified lactation consultants from the PCT as well as a large team of paid and volunteer peer supporters.  It worries me, though, how few people know the differences between the different people who offer help – although not surprising.  There is no legal protection for the term “breastfeeding counsellor”, few people know what the term “peer supporter” is so often they assume that a peer supporter is a breastfeeding counsellor and very few people know what IBCLC means.  Fortunately, Milk Matters have a useful page on it all here: http://milkmatters.org.uk/2010/11/12/whos-helping-you/

21^st February 

Midwife appointment again with my fabulous Independent Midwife, Debs from Wharfdale Independent Midwifery.  As always she stayed for well over her 1 ½ hours and went through all sorts of questions with me.  I was being called in for my 28 week blood tests and when I’d spoken to the NHS midwife about them, she just couldn’t give me any useful information about what was being tested. She did mention that it included rhesus antibody testing but I pointed out that I am rhesus positive and this is my last baby anyway, so, I asked, was there any need?  Her only answer was, “it’s up to you” which wasn’t at all helpful in helping me to make an informed decision.  Fortunately Debs was there to go through it all and help me to come to the right decision for us.  It’s a non-intrusive test (if you can call a needle non-intrusive), meaning that it’s not going to affect the baby or me in any way, but it’s another thing to fit into the diary and that’s not easy right now!

22 February 

UKAMB trustee meeting today.  We’ve decided to get the new website live by the beginning of March – eek!  Very exciting to actually get it up there though (to be seen at http://www.ukamb.org).  We are so lucky to have a fabulous volunteer who has done almost all the work on it for us (thanks Rebecca!).  Hoping to make it a really useful resource for all potential and current donors of breastmilk, hospitals, milk banks and health care professionals.

28^th February 

Hypnobirthing session!  Well this is new.  I did something relaxing!  And it was lovely.  I’m really hopeful that it will be useful in labour but finding the time to actually practise it (and practise is key) is going to be really, really tricky.  I definitely recommend it though!  As much as anything to just have a break in the day!

10^th March 

Sheffield Home Birth Conference! 

What a brilliant day.  I was on the UKAMB stand with Gillian Weaver (one of UKAMB’s founders) and also had the opportunity to listen to all the talks as well.  The visitors were mostly either midwives or student midwives and they all got to hear about the effects on the critical hormonal components of a natural birth of standard “interventions” such as just going into hospital, pain-relief drugs, artificial rupture of membranes and just being around people that the mum doesn’t know. 

It was a wonderful day with everyone learning so much about the way that birth is a hormonal event, using the analogy of sex.  If we had to “perform” under bright lights, in hospital, with random people coming in and out to check on progress and threatening us with drugs if we didn’t get on with it I’m not sure that many babies would be being born at the other end of it all!

We had loads of interest on the UKAMB stand with lots of people going away with information on donor breastmilk banking and why it’s so essential for the health of premature and sick babies.  We had an amazing boobie cake donated by my friend Victoria which we raffled off to raise funds for the charity.  A very successful day all round!  http://ukamb.org/2012/03/11/donor-breastmilk-focus-at-the-sheffield-homebirth-conference/

11^th March 

Eeek, lugging those boxes around and standing around all day has done nothing for my pelvis.  Ouch!

15^th March

Great.  I’m supposed to be giving a presentation today, together with one of our regional Lactation Consultants, for people who have passed the council’s “Eatwell” award – a way of encouraging catering outlets to offer healthy options on their menu.  The award includes asking the outlet to be breastfeeding friendly, but with the Wakefield Breastfeeding Welcome Scheme now launched we wanted to make it a bit more in depth, and also bring companies onto the scheme where possible.  However, I’ve pretty much lost my voice and I feel really rubbish.  Just a cold but still, it’s a nuisance.  Well, here goes, I’ll do my best.

Later… well other than sounding pretty odd the whole day went really well.  We got several companies signing up and lots of interest which is fantastic.  All we need now is some funding!  Off to bed – I’m shattered.

16^th March 

Had to cancel my hypno session today as I just feel rubbish.  Lots of Braxton Hicks going on and I’ve been finding it quite hard to sleep at night as well.  This cold I started with last week is really taking hold and I think I’m heading towards chest infection territory.  I usually shake things off quickly but being pregnant lowers your immunity to help to stop the body from rejecting the foreign genes in the baby.  Really feeling rotten and just exhausted.  Is it being ill or is it being very pregnant?

19^th March 

Went to docs this morning as I’m convinced I now have a chest infection, ear infection and probably a sinus infection.  I am exhausted and am sleeping 2-3 hours a day, and just can’t do anything without it wearing me out.  I’m in awful pain across my ear, around my eyes and a horrible headache and I’m coughing badly, too.  Doctor says it’s just a viral infection so I suppose I’ll have to wait it out.  I’m not the world’s best patient though!

Midwife back again this afternoon.  Slight concern that the baby, at just 34 weeks, is now definitely engaged which I’d thought was the case as my bump has dropped significantly and pressure has lessened on my lungs (good timing with my cough) but I can really feel it in the pelvic area.  Not good when I’m coughing a lot, having that lump on my bladder!

So all out now for getting the last few things sorted out.  Pool arriving in a couple of weeks and my friend is sorting some girls and boys newborn clothes out for me.  I’d always expected an earlier arrival but I really do hope it’s not just yet.  34 weeks is too soon L

22^nd March 

Feeling utterly terrible so my lovely hubby took some time off work and drove me to the health centre.  We were lucky to see a fabulous prescribing nurse, who knew about the Breastfeeding Network’s drugs in breastmilk line (http://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/drugs-in-breastmilk.html) and was able to ensure that what I was given was safe for both breastfeeding and in pregnancy!  She said that I was in fact right, I had a serious ear infection (no wonder I was so ouch), sinus infection and a chest infection.  Given me some antibugs and hopefully they’ll start to work soon.  Maybe I feel so rough because I really am ill, not just pregnant!

25^th March 

Finally, the antibugs are working and I’m starting to really, really feel so much better!  I can actually do things with my todder without feeling horrendous and we can turn Cbeebies off!  Definitely it was being ill, not being pregnant, although at nearly 35 weeks I’m starting to really feel the weight, not to mention that bowling ball in the pelvis sensation.  I’m getting nervous about tandem feeding again after a friend has had a gorgeous little girl and her toddler, a few months older than mine, has gone milk mad!  My son’s latch is pretty poor so I hope I can cope with it.

28^th March 

Birth pool arriving by the end of the week and my friend has given me my birth ball back and lent me her TENS machine.  Just need to get practising with the hypnobirthing now and hope that the little one hangs in there a bit longer…