tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3102141287849407838.post1481775745030226654..comments2023-10-28T08:22:06.196+01:00Comments on Analytical Armadillo: "Don't feel guilty" does the phrase really help?!Analytical Armadillo IBCLChttp://www.blogger.com/profile/03829027807809292649noreply@blogger.comBlogger4125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3102141287849407838.post-63650998867145972552011-08-28T22:24:25.337+01:002011-08-28T22:24:25.337+01:00DH and I have a stock reply to "Don't fee...DH and I have a stock reply to "Don't feel . . . . . (whatever feeling)" which is "Oh! Okay. Thank you. I hadn't thought of that" said in as sarcastic a tone as we can muster.<br /><br />Guilt gets a bad press. The modern belief seems to be it's a bad thing that no one should ever have to experience, yet all it is is a signal to us that something is wrong that needs to be sorted out. What we have done is dissonate with what we believe, and we need to get things back inline to feel in harmony again. Without guilt how would we notice that we had done something that conflicts with our values and rectify it?<br /><br />How does this connect with breastfeeding? As Funny-Shaped Woman has pointed out, people are very quick to label the emotion that a mother is experiencing as guilt, and in a emotionally raw state it is the simplest thing to accept that label for everytime the emotion arose. After all what midwife/health visitor is going to say "Don't feel betrayed/cheated/angry with me"? Why would they hand the woman THAT label? By using the word guilt the health professionals or even advising mothers online etc are making sure that even how the mother feels is all of her own generating, nothing to do with them, and even her feelings are HER OWN FAULT. Phew, everyone is in the clear.<br /><br />Wow, I've never thought about it before like that. What do others think?roxyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17716754343435995510noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3102141287849407838.post-86905327630097664882011-08-28T21:35:18.047+01:002011-08-28T21:35:18.047+01:00Yes, absolutely!! When I so desperately needed pro...Yes, absolutely!! When I so desperately needed proper breastfeeding support when I was struggling to feed my daughter, all I heard was "Don't feel guilty" (and pressure to formula feed)... so of course I labelled that empty feeling deep down inside "guilt" when breastfeeding didn't work out. And it irritates me that I often see "Don't feel guilty" followed up with "I can't make you feel guilty - guilt comes from within." So why even hand women the word guilt in the first place?! We could be so much kinder to each other by being mindful of how our words and actions can impact upon others, particularly when they are at their most vulnerable.<br />I'd better stop there, as I can feel this turning into another rant on the whole "guilt" thing!<br />A-M xthe funny-shaped womanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10552427210198529854noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3102141287849407838.post-82688506026409456032011-08-28T16:00:57.287+01:002011-08-28T16:00:57.287+01:00I suffer from a panic disorder and one thing that ...I suffer from a panic disorder and one thing that always makes it worse is when someone says "relax!" Sounds very similar to "don't feel guilty." I would rather have someone sit with me or offer me a real solution (although I know this is not always possible, and also people are just trying to help...) then think that simply telling me to relax is going to solve the problem.<br /><br />Jenna<br />http://www.momofmanyhats.blogspot.comJenna@CallHerHappyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05587606918705423050noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3102141287849407838.post-8410432628522842432011-08-28T11:36:48.485+01:002011-08-28T11:36:48.485+01:00"it's OK don't feel guilty you can..."it's OK don't feel guilty you can't help me"<br /><br />Nice one. Wish I had thought of that in my wrecked PND state.Alpha Parenthttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03837161676639357485noreply@blogger.com